Sunday Visit
by poeticgrace
Summary: She came to visit him every Sunday, and neither of them could really explain why. Kelly/Ryan
1. Chapter 1

She came to visit him every Sunday morning. Whether Saturday night meant dinner with Darryl at his favorite Mexican place or fruity cocktails with girlfriends at Scranton's only acceptable club or an awkward meal with her entire family or just an evening on the couch with Keanu and Brad, she always dedicated the next morning to him. In fact, in those moments in between when her friends were busy gossiping about some cute guy at the next booth over or Darryl was knocking back yet another beer, her mind would inevitably drift to him. She couldn't explain why she felt such a sense of duty to him, but she did.

She would like to think that if the situation were reversed, he would make the two-hour drive every week just for a few minutes of conversation with her in a crowded, stale room. However, their past history dictated that she would likely find herself waiting uselessly every Sunday morning for someone that was never going to show up for her. It was a lonely feeling really, to know that someone didn't care about you as much as you care for them. Still, that didn't deter her faithfulness to the situation. Even if he couldn't be there for her, she would always be there for him. Someone had to show up for him.

That sad sentiment was the only thing capable of dragging her from bed just after dawn that Sunday morning. Kelly grumbled to herself as she turned over in her plush bed, reaching across the empty mattress to click off the alarm clock. She wished that she could be like any other carefree single girl and actually sleep in on a Sunday morning for once, but like the rest of her week, she had somewhere she had to be. Sitting up slowly, she reached up absently to wipe the sleep away from her dark eyes. The room was still dark at the early hour, but she still managed to find her way across the thick carpet and into the bathroom.

Kelly didn't even look as she started the shower, willing the water to heat up as quickly as possibly for once. Most mornings she liked to listen to pop music while she got ready, but Sundays were always different. On Sunday mornings, she would listen to alternative music, _his _music. The sad melodies of Coldplay and Ben Folds were her only comfort as she prepared to visit him once again. She hated seeing him there, so desolate and alone. The isolation was doing a number on his already fragile demeanor, but there was little she could do to help him. She simply had to hope that her visits did their part, even if he pretended to be apathetic. Kelly knew better, however; she had seen the way his clear blue eyes lit up whenever she came into the room.

After a half-hour, Kelly dragged her tired body from the shower and dried off quickly. She glanced at the clock on the microwave as she passed back into her bedroom. Quick mental math told her that she had less than an hour before she needed to be on the road if she wanted to make it for the morning visiting hours. He was counting on her to be there, and she couldn't let him down. Tossing the towel away from her short, silky black hair, she studied herself in the mirror for a moment. She looked more tired than usual, something that had become more and more frequent since the initial trial. Shaking off the fatigue, she headed for the closet and pulled out what had quickly become her favorite Sunday outfit.

Kelly had watched _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ the night before the first time she went to visit him in New York. In a strange way, she found herself connecting to the Holly Golightly character. She could sympathize with the young woman who felt like she didn't belong to anyone. More often than not, she felt like she was alone in this world. The only time she had felt differently was when she was with him. It was the only time she had ever really given her heart to someone, despite what everyone thought. Most people thought that she was a vapid, shallow airhead who fell in love easily. No one knew how hard it had been for her to commit herself so wholly to him. And when he broke her heart, no one knew how she had closed her heart off to the rest of the world again.

Anyhow, in watching the movie, Kelly noted how Holly dealt with her visits to Sing Sing to visit Sally Tomato. She was carefree about it, not letting the somberness of the atmosphere affect her sparkling personality. Then and there, she decided that she would be that for him. She could morn the entire situation in private, but when she was with him, she would make the best of every moment. Dressing like Holly had given her the courage to do just that – from the big Jackie O. sunglasses to the oversized hat with the trailing satin ribbon to the perfect little black dress. The only difference was her hair, which was much shorter than Audrey Hepburn's had been for the film. Kelly instead elected to tuck hers back with a pair of rhinestone barrettes and hoped that the slight alteration wasn't enough to deter the power of the outfit.

The last touch of the outfit was always the black crocodile pumps. She had bought them especially to visit him. It seemed silly to spend so much on a pair of heels just to visit prison, but she needed them. They gave her that extra boost of confidence. They enabled her to pretend that she was someone else, if only for a little while. As she pulled them on near the doorway to her apartment, she suddenly felt transformed. One last look in the mirror and a curt nod of approval and Kelly was out the door, her matching black handbag tucked firmly under her arm.

* * *

She came to visit him every Sunday morning. Whether Saturday night meant his monthly shift in the infirmary restocking supplies or rereading the books and magazines she brought for him like clockwork or trying to write a letter he had composed in his head a million times or an evening on the couch watching television with Bubba from the next cell block over, he always felt a little bit better knowing that she was coming for him the next morning. In fact, in those moments in between when he was trying to choke down the pathetic joke the prison tried to pass off as food or his cellmate was concocting yet another scheme to pilfer cigarettes from the guards, his mind would inevitably drift to her. He couldn't explain why he felt such a sense of relief at the thought of her, but he did.

He knows that if the situation were reversed, he would never come all that way to see her, let alone every single week. His past behavior illustrated just how little he was really willing to do when it came to her. It was a lonely feeling really, to know that he could never be the man that she deserved to have lover her. Still, that didn't deter his selfishness in the situation. Even if he wasn't going to be there for her, it didn't mean that he would stop taking all that he could from her. She always showed up for him.

That comforting sentiment was the only thing capable of dragging him from his bed just as the sun made its way over the horizon that Sunday morning. Ryan grunted to himself as he flopped over on his stomach to check his wristwatch. He wished that he could be like any other twentysomething guy in New York and wake up with some nameless girl in his bed, but like the rest of the week, his only company was Bruno in the top bunk. Sitting up slowly, he swiped angrily at the sleep in his bright blue eyes. The building was still eerily still at the early hour, but he still managed to hear the hollow pounding of his heart as he walked into the grimy bathroom.

Ryan didn't even look as he turned on the faucet, knowing full well that he wasn't going to get any hot water. Most mornings he would turn on his shower radio and listen to acoustic rock while he bathed, thankful for his only other connection to normal life. However, on Sundays, he would listen to pop music, _her _music. The bright harmonies of Christina Aguilera and Beyonce reminded him of how they'd once been as he waited to see her once again. He hated that she saw him here, so pathetic and broken. The entire situation was doing a number on her otherwise cheerful personality, but there was little he could do to save her. He simply had to hope that he was making it worth it, even if she was only pretending that he was. Ryan knew better, however; he had seen the way the light was dimming in her chocolate brown eyes with every visit.

After his allotted ten minutes, Ryan dragged his sullen body from the shower and dried off quickly. He glanced at his watch again as he headed back to his cell. He deducted that he had a half-hour before she would arrive for the morning visiting hours. He was counting on her to be there, and he knew that she wouldn't let him down. Swiping the towel over his coal black hair, he dropped it on the bed and studied himself in the jagged piece of glass that functioned as his mirror. He looked thinner than usual, something that was inevitable since that first trial. Shaking off the depression, he pulled out his Sunday finest from the plastic bin that doubled as his dresser.

Ryan had watched _Cool Hand Luke_ the first night he was in jail. In a decidedly male way, he found himself wishing that he could connect to the Luke character. He wanted to be that brave young man who felt like he didn't belong in jail. More often than not, he knew that he did. The only time he felt different was when he was with her. It was the only time he had ever really been able to see the very best version of himself, despite what everyone thought. Most people thought that he was this cocky, confident player who didn't care about anyone. No one knew how hard it had been to always have to push her away. And when he broke her heart, no one knew that he had cried himself to sleep every night for two weeks.

Anyhow, in watching the movie, Ryan noted how Luke dealt with being trapped in prison. He was relentless about it, not letting the situation seem too hopeless as he escaped again and again. Then and there, he decided that he would be that for her. He could worry about everything when he was alone, but when he was with her, he was going to do his best to pretend that everything was going to be fine. Dressing like Luke gave him the courage to embody that spirit with his blue button-up shirt and black work boots. The most notable difference was his hair, which Ryan refused to change. Instead, he elected to keep the same tousled hair she loved to run her fingers through and hoped that it gave her a little piece of who they used to be.

The last touch of the outfit was always the unsmoked cigarette he kept tucked in his shirt pocket. He had won it in a poker game especially for her first visit. It seemed silly to cling tightly to something worth a handful of change, but he needed it. It gave him that extra edge of testosterone. It enabled him to pretend that he was tougher than he really was, if only just for a bit. As he arranged it carefully in his pocket by the lone window in his cell, he suddenly felt transformed. One last look in the makeshift mirror and a lackluster shrug of disinterest and Ryan followed the guard out of the cell, her photograph hidden secretly next to his heart.


	2. Chapter 2

The sky was that rare mix of indigo and salmon by the time Kelly pulled into the visitors' parking lot of the slate, looming building that Ryan now called home just outside New York City. Sitting behind the steering wheel of her sporty red convertible, she could almost pretend that she was just on her way to his apartment for another one of their long makeout sessions on the couch while he watched television over her shoulder. Either way, she knew that she would leave him feeling empty. With the way that he made her feel, few people would understand what it was that kept her coming back, but Kelly knew exactly why she came home to him. It was the hidden gaze of unadulterated emotion that brimmed behind his crystal blue eyes whenever he found her unexpectedly across the room. It was the moment that she knew he reserved for only her.

Flipping down the visor, she checked her makeup one last time. She had always wanted to be perfect for Ryan. For a long time, she had feared that he would find a reason to leave her if she was anything less for even a second. Even Kelly had known that theirs was a relationship that was only temporary until he found something he thought that he wanted more. Loving him made her feel like even a brief interlude would be worth the pain if it meant she could hold him for a moment. It wasn't something that she would have chosen for herself, but she embraced it when it came along and chose her.

Satisfied with the faux cheerful image smiling back at her, she adjusted the hat back over her hair and let herself out of the car. The long walk up to the prison often felt like a walk of shame after a long night of relentless drinking and passionate sex on the floor of Ryan's apartment. She felt used and disconnected, as if this was all for his pure pleasure and she would get nothing out of it. It was a routine that she knew all too well, a feeling far too familiar. If it hurt so much, why did she keep going back? The look, she would always remind herself, it's all for that look.

The process of checking in for her weekly visit with Ryan was a highly impersonal one. She had tried making awkward jokes in those first few weeks when the female prison guard conducted her body search. Kelly had always been very careful with her intimacy and few people had touched her in any way. Even if it was just a routine procedure, Kelly couldn't help but feel like she was betraying Ryan in some small way. It felt almost illicit when the guard patted the inside of her calves or grazed the top of her shoulders as she searched for banned contraband. Those were among his favorite places on her body, spots where he had dwelled with feathery kisses and sensual caresses. She would just close her eyes in those moments and remember the times not so long ago. It made the whole thing a lot easier to deal with.

Handing over her handbag to the uniformed man behind the thick glass window, Kelly took a minute to look around at the other people waiting to see their loved ones. They were like farm animals penned in the waiting room, anxious to get through the next few hours so that they could resume their normal lives. She could always tell the wives from the sisters, the children from the Lolita girlfriends. A few had small children with them, their faces scrubbed and shoes shined. It made her sad to see the little kids waiting to see their fathers in the all-male prison. Even if she didn't always get along with her father, at least he had always been there. She couldn't imagine what it must be like to have to grow up knowing that he had done something to land him here. Sure, it was only a minimum-security prison for white collar criminals, but they had still broken a law that got them behind bars. She knew that most of them weren't bad guys, they couldn't be. Ryan's being here was all the proof she needed to know that good men made bad mistakes. As she took back her handbag from the guard with a small smile, she couldn't help but wonder if she was the only one who still thought that there was good in Ryan.

Taking an empty seat at the long row of hard plastic chairs, she crossed her legs and tried to come up with a list of topics for her conversation with Ryan. She always brought him the latest celebrity gossip whether he wanted to here about it or not. It was important that he know the crucial goings on in the world, or so she said. Really, it was just her way of killing time in those quiet moments when neither of them knew what to stay. Other than that, she would talk about things going on at the office or with her family. She still called his mother every Saturday afternoon to see if she had anything to pass along and checked in with his supposed friends every few weeks. The last time she had checked Ryan's visitor sheet, she noted that his parents had come down twice to visit in the past six months and his friends had still never come. Yet, despite that, he would inevitably ask for an update and she would do her best to come through for him.

A lanky guard came out to announce that it was time for them to come in and be seated. They liked to seat the visitors first before brining in the prisoners. One by one, they filed into the large holding room filled with empty tables and pairs of chairs carefully arranged in the dingy space. Kelly chose their usual place near the window in the back corner where he would know to look for her. He liked being able to find her quickly in the mass of people. Disorder and the unknown made him anxious. So, as dependable as her weekly visits, he had come to know that she would always be there waiting for her him in that corner, their own slice of heaven in the hell that was his prison existence.

There were more than a dozen rules of protocol for visiting with Ryan. There were very few gifts she could bring to him that wouldn't be taken away immediately upon her departure. There were very few times when they were allowed to touch other than when he came into the room and before she left it. They had an allotted amount of time, but two hours never seemed like enough. Every thing they did was carefully watched and regulated, but it was all that they could have. Kelly counted herself lucky that he was at least in a minimum-security prison where she could actually reach across the table to take his hand rather than one of those places from the movies where they were separated by a wall of glass and had to speak through telephones.

Kelly's head perked up as she heard the bolt turn and door open. Just as the visitors had filed in one by one, the prisoners came into the room in a neat and concise line. Even amidst the crowd of people hugging and greeting each other hello, their eyes managed to find each other across the room. It took all Kelly had not to leap to her feet immediately and throw herself into his arms. Instead, she waited as patiently as she could manage for him to make his way to their table, never once breaking her eyes from him. And when he finally reached her, she slipped her arms around his taut body and rested her head against his chest. It was like coming home.

* * *

The light was that familiar combination of fluorescent and blinding by the time Ryan came from his cellblock into the doorway of the dank, lonely holding room Ryan now called the gateway to his redemption. Standing behind the dirty chrome chain that marked the search line, he could almost pretend that he was just in line at their favorite theatre for another one of those silly romantic comedies that she would watch over his shoulder while he tried to get her to kiss him. Either way, he knew that he would leave her feeling empty. With the way he pretended that she made him feel, few people would understand what it was that kept him coming back, but Ryan knew exactly why he came home to her. It was the open gaze of uninhibited love that shone in her sparkling eyes whenever she found him unexpectedly across the room. It was the moment that he knew she reserved only for him.

Turning sideways, he looked at his scruffy face one last time. He had always wanted to be appealing to Kelly. For a long time, he had feared that she would find a reason to leave if someone else came along. Ryan had known that theirs was a relationship that was only temporary until he pretended he had found something that he wanted more. It was inevitable that she would figure out that she deserved better. Loving her made him feel like even a brief interlude would be worth the pain if it meant he could hold her for a moment. It wasn't something that he would have chosen for himself, but he dealt with it when it came along and chose him.

Dissatisfied with the dull man glaring back at him, he rubbed his hands over his beard and pushed himself ahead in the line. The long walk to the visiting room often felt like a walk of shame after yet another night of beers and hot set on the floor of his apartment that ended with breaking her heart. He felt dirty and selfish, as if this was for his pure pleasure and she would get nothing out of it. It was a routine that he knew all too well, a feeling far too familiar. If he hurt her so much, why did he keep letting her come back? The look, he would tell himself, it's all for that look.

The process of checking in for his weekly visit with Kelly was yet another in a long string of privacy invasions he had to endure. He had tried making awkward jokes in those first few weeks when the male prison guarded conducted his body search. Ryan had always been very careful with who he let touch him, and few people had touched him in any way. Even if it was just a routine procedure, Ryan hated anyone touching him but her. It felt awful when the guard patted down his back or grazed his wrist as he searched for banned weapons. Those were among her favorite places on his body, spots where she had spent countless hours with butterfly kisses and soft massages. He would just close his eyes in those moments and remember the times not so long ago. It made the whole thing a lot easier to deal with.

Handing over his ID badge to the uniformed man behind the tall wooden desk, Ryan took a minute to look around at the other people waiting to see their loves ones. They were like hungry animals caged in the waiting room, anxious to get the next few hours so that they could pretend that this was their normal life. He could always tell the husbands from the brothers, the sons from the sugar daddies. A few had small children waiting for them, their eyes sad and smiles fake. It made him sad to see the fathers waiting to see their children at jail. Even if he didn't always get along with his father, at least he had always been there. He couldn't imagine what it must be like to have to grow up knowing that he had done something like Ryan had. Sure, it was only a minium-security prison for businessmen gone wrong, but they had all still broken a law to land them there. He knew that most of them weren't bad guys, they couldn't be. Ryan hoped that his being here was all the proof Kelly needed to know that good men made bad mistakes. As he took back his badge from the guard with a tight smile, he couldn't help but wonder if she was the only one who still thought that there was good in him.

Taking an empty seat at the long row of hard plastic chairs, he rested his elbows on his knees and tried to come up with a list of topics for his conversation with Kelly. He always brought her the latest thing he had been working on, which she always wanted to hear. Really, it was just his small way of letting her into his life in those quiet moments when it all became too much. Other than that, he would listen to her talk about what was going on at work with the people they knew. He knew that she called his mother every week for an update and managed to get in touch with the guys. Neither his parents nor his family really ever came to see him. Yet, despite that, he always asked for an update so that she didn't know that she was the only one still coming through for him.

A lanky guard came into to announce that it was time for them to line up to go into the visiting room. One by one, they peered through the large picture window at the large holding room filled with empty tables and chairs scattered in the dingy space. Ryan watched as Kelly took her seat at their usual table beside the window in the back where he always looked for her. She liked that he could find her easily in the crowd. She knew how nervous that chaos made him. So, as faithful as her trips to New York, he had come to know that she would always be there waiting for him in that corner, their own slice of heaven in the hell that was his prison existence.

There were more than a dozen rules of protocol for getting to see Kelly. There were very few things he could bring out to her that wouldn't be taken away when got into the search line. There were very few times he was allowed to reach out of her other than when he came in and before she left. They had very little time together, and two hours just didn't cut it. Everything they did was carefully watched and regulated, but it was all they were allowed. Ryan counted himself lucky that he was at this place and not some high-risk prison. At least this way h e could actually reach across the table and hold her hand and didn't have to watch or listen to her through artificial barriers like a wall or telephone.

Ryan's lips turned into a smile as he heard the bolt turn and door open. Just as the visitors had filed in one by one, Ryan and his fellow jailbirds came into the room in a precise row. Even amidst the family reunions and warm greetings, their eyes managed to find each other across the room. It took all Ryan had not to run straight to her and wrap his arms around her. Instead, he walked smoothly as he could manage across the room to their table, never once breaking his eyes from her. And when he finally reached her, he enveloped her curvy frame in his arms and rested his chin against the crown of her head. It was like coming home.


	3. Chapter 3

The first few minutes of their Sunday visits were always awkward. Kelly would usually spend the first minute or two aimlessly rambling on about the most trivial things – an interesting billboard she passed on the interstate or something she had seen in the store the day before. Ryan would politely pretend to listen before inevitably allowing his bright blue eyes to drift to the wall behind her. Kelly didn't really mind that he wasn't listening at that point. It only mattered to her that he listened when she really had something to say. It took at least a half-hour before she would be comfortable enough to get to the meat of the conversation, and until then, she allowed him to take the mental vacation without really holding it against him.

During the first year of their relationship, it had been hard for Kelly to get used to the way Ryan appeared not to listen to her when she was talking. She was used to guys hanging on to every word she said, if only for a chance to hook up with her after a few drinks at the latest fraternity keg party. But with Ryan, even the guise of considerate listening was absent during their conversations. Sometimes he would interrupt her with a completely irrelevant interjection. Other times, she would find him watching television or paying more attention to a video game than her. Her favorite method of his distraction involved the impromptu makeout sessions. In fact, sometimes she would bring up the most random and inane topics just to draw him into her little web of seduction. Despite what everyone thought, she knew exactly what she was doing there.

In their alone times, Ryan had never really been greedy with his affection. His may not be the obvious signs of devotion, but she knew that they were there. Whether it was the discreet way he would slide his hand across the seat to hold her hand in the car or how he would rest his hand on the small of her back to guide her into the room, he was always doing the smallest things just to touch her. When they went to bed at night, Ryan would always protest when she tried to snuggle up against him, but inevitably when Kelly woke up in the middle of the night, she would find his arm thrown across her body protectively and his body cozied up to her back. Those quiet unseen moments were one of the few things Kelly wouldn't speak of, not even to him.

As the conversation transitioned out of the mundane and into the review of the week's events, Kelly posed her first question and relaxed in her seat to listen to his answer. Unlike Ryan, she always listened to him carefully, taking mental notes to be used at a later date. She had always been so supportive of his dreams, and even in his present state, she knew that he was capable of bigger things. Sure, his first venture into the world of big business had failed miserably because he had tried to be something that he wasn't; however, she had always trusted that he would be able to succeed by being who he truly was. "Did you sign up for that course you were talking about last week?" she asked softly, her tone allowing just the slightest hint of her signature bubbliness. "I talked to a friend of my father's that went to business school at Harvard. He looked at the course material I pulled up on the Internet, and he said that it was pretty comparable to what he learned there. It looks pretty impressive."

Ryan's eyes narrowed before the slightest smile passed his pouty lips. Kelly knew that the small signal was his way of showing his appreciation for her interest in his life. Since his realm had shrank considerably along with the circle of people that at least pretended to care about him, she had devoted herself that much more to learning about the things he found important. Sometimes she thought about how she put that same energy into her fairly new relationship with Darryl, but she knew that she wouldn't. She couldn't. As inconvenient as it was, she was still helplessly, hopelessly in love with one Ryan Bailey Howard. Even if she would never have her Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor-Howard and her parents would never let her forget his demeanor during Diwali, she still wanted Ryan to be her ending of endings.

"Yeah, I think they are going to let me go ahead and take it while my lawyer is working on the appeal," he answered without looking up at her. As usual, he was avoiding her gaze, opting instead to focus on a folded piece of paper he was shuffling back and forth between his hands. Kelly watched him carefully, waiting for more. She had gotten used to his strained conversation in the office when he was afraid to let the cameras see him being anything other than cool and uncaring. However, she wasn't used to the distance when they were alone until he was in prison. He had once let it slip that he felt like he was on display here. With that single slip, Kelly was able to understand how to handle the situation. Given enough time, he would let her in as much as he was capable of, but she had to be patient until that time came. "I was thinking about taking that management class, too, but I don't know. What do you think?"

Now, most people would think that Ryan's question was very surprising. He had long pretended not to care what she thought, but underneath it all, he actually valued her opinion more than anyone. She knew of his dreams, she shared them with him and had almost even taken them on as her own. She didn't judge him for the things he had done or the things that he wanted to do. He knew that whatever she told him came from the most organic and innocent of places – her heart. "Take it," she encouraged him with a bright smile, her pearl white teeth just visible between her plum lips. "It can only help, Ryan. People are going to question your management skills anyhow. Having this class might give you evidence to counteract that."

Darkness passed over Ryan's stoic gaze. "Oh, what do you know?" he snapped, shaking Kelly from her comfortable state. She recoiled instantly, moving back visibly in her seat. She pulled her hands, which had been resting palm up on the table, back into her lap and clasped them tightly together. Ryan hated when people questioned him or pointed out his weaknesses. His obvious failure at Dunder Mifflin would always be a prime example of weakness in his career, and Kelly knew that she should have been more careful with her wording to avoiding stirring up resentment. _I still didn't deserve that_, she lamented silently. His eyes softened considerably when he noticed her reaction. "I'm sorry, Kel, you deserve so much better than this."

But it wasn't Ryan's confession that would shock Kelly the most. Instead, it was what came next. Without any thought or sign of vulnerability, he reached across the table and took her much smaller hand in his. For the first time in a long time, there was no motive, no intent, no cause. He was simply reaching out to her because she deserved more than he was able to give her. She could have squealed with delight or held onto him tightly from fear of losing him, but she elected to do neither. Instead, she simply squeezed his fingers once and smiled sadly into his familiar azure eyes. "We both deserve much better than this."

* * *

The first few minutes of their Sunday visits were always awkward. Ryan would usually act like he was pretending to listen for the first couple minutes while Kelly babbled about things only she could care about – a new shade of fingernail polish she had bought at the corner drugstore or which contestant got kicked off _America's Next Top Model_ that week. Ryan would eventually shift his gaze behind her to avoid the big, sad eyes that stared back at him. Ryan didn't really mind that she was talking about something that he didn't care about. He actually looked forward to hearing her take on a reality game show that he knew far too much about. It only mattered to him that she was there to tell him the things she really needed to say. It look at least a half-hour before she would relax enough to tell him her more intimate thoughts, and until then, he allowed her to take the reigns on the conversation without really holding it against her.

During the first year of their relationship, it had been hard for Ryan to get used to the way Kelly wanted him to hear every last thing on her mind. He was used to girls saying only what he wanted to hear, if only for a chance to get an expensive dinner with a Wall Street brat at the latest restaurant opening. But with Kelly, even the guise of abbreviated conversation was absent from their relationship. Sometimes he would try to offer his thoughts on an entirely different subject. He never found her checking her nails or looking through a stack of CDs when he talked to her. She heard every word unlike him. His favorite method of distracting her in conversation had always been with a long, lingering kiss that often turned into more. In fact, sometimes he would pray for her to say something unimportant just so he could pounce on her. Despite what everyone though, he knew exactly what he was doing there.

In their alone times, Ryan had allowed himself to relish in his affection for her. His may have been more private than she would have liked, but he knew that she knew that they were there. Whether it was the way he would turn around and watch her talk on the telephone while they worked side by side in the office or how he would rest his leg against hers in a long meeting, he was always finding ways just to touch her. Before they would fall asleep, he would always complain when she tried to spoon against him, but usually after she would drift off, he would wrap her in his arms and hold her close to him. Those quiet unseen moments were one of the few things she never talked to him about but he almost wished that she had.

As the conversation transitioned out of the mundane and into a recap of their weeks, Kelly asked him a question that caught him slightly off guard. He shouldn't have been surprised because unlike Ryan, she always listened very carefully to whatever he said. She had always been behind whatever he wanted to do with his life. Even now, in the wake of the biggest mistake he had ever made, she believed that he was capable of doing something more with his life. She had always trusted that he would be able to succeed by being who he truly was. 'Did you sign up for that course you were talking about last week?" she asked, her voice thick with the surprising combination of joy and concern. "I talked to a friend of my father's that went to business school at Harvard. He looked at the course material I pulled up on the Internet, and he said that it was pretty comparable to what he learned there. It looks pretty impressive."

Ryan narrowed his eyes before allowing a small grin. The reflex had been so automatic that he hadn't been able to suppress his appreciation for her. Since he had been arrested, she had been one of very few people to stand by his side and continue to care about what happened in his life. Sometimes he thought about how she could put that same devotion into her relationship with the guy from the warehouse, but he always hoped that she wouldn't. She couldn't. As inexplicable as it was, he couldn't have handled knowing that she wasn't in love with him anymore. Even if he would never give her the celebrity-named child she wanted or convince her parents that he was more than the Temp obsessed with X-Box, he still held out selfish hope that she would always want to be with him.

"Yeah, I think they are going to let me go ahead and take it while my lawyer is working on the appeal," he offered without meeting her gaze. He couldn't stand to look into her eyes, to see anything but love there, so he played childishly with the Chinese football he had stuffed in his pocket earlier. He knew that Kelly was watching him, waiting for him to say anything else. Ryan had always been like that – saying little because he didn't want anyone to see the real him. Still, she had managed to get used to it for his sake because she knew he would eventually allow the real him to show up. He'd confided in her once that he felt like he was always being watched and scrutinized here. That one comment told her all that he could ever say, and from then on, he had been continually impressed by how Kelly dealt with everything. She had come to trust that he would tell her in his own time. "I was thinking about taking that management class, too, but I don't know. What do you think?"

Now, most people would think his question was uncharacteristic because he liked to pretend that he didn't care what she, or anyone for that matter, thought. However, he'd done his best to let Kelly know that her opinion mattered more than anyone's, even his. She didn't hold anything he had done against him. She gave him what he needed from the most pure and honest place – her heart. "Take it," she urged excitedly, her face lighting up with a smile. "It can only help, Ryan. People are going to question your management skills anyhow. Having this class might give you evidence to counteract that."

Rage burned instantly behind Ryan's eyes. "Oh, what do you know?" he nearly shouted, his tone surprising even him. He cringed as she pulled back, yanking her hands out of view and into her lap. She knew how much he hated to be questioned or judged. His apparent failure in New York would always be something he carried with him from interview to interview, and he didn't need for her to point that out to him. _She still didn't deserve that_, he chided silently. He softened his gaze and peered up at her. "I'm sorry, Kel, you deserve so much better than this."

But it wasn't his confession that shocked Ryan most. Instead, it was what came next. Without thinking about how it would look or make him feel, he reached for her hand and held it protectively in hers. For the first time in as long as he could remember, his heart was wide open to her without any defined reason. He was simply reaching out to her because he deserved far less than she gave to him. He could have pushed her away even further or pretended that he didn't care so that she didn't see the real him, but he elected to do neither. Instead, he welcomed the warm relief that spread through his quivering body as she squeezed his fingers once and smiled forlornly at him with her comforting cocoa eyes. "We both deserve much better than this."


	4. Chapter 4

"We both deserve much better than this." The words echoed in Kelly's ears repeatedly as she stared into Ryan's cobalt eyes. She could read the surprise and then the eventual discomfort in his wavering gaze, a reaction that she had come to expect but still hated. Whenever anything got too close, too emotion, his first reaction was to always pull away. It was then that Kelly wanted to hold on to him even tighter, to force him to feel what he was feeling. More than anything, she waited for the day when she would say something sweet and he would actually smile in return. As she watched him carefully for a moment longer, she knew that day wouldn't be coming today.

However, despite his obvious discomfort, Ryan still didn't pull his hand away. In fact, he had managed to slide his fingers between hers to form an intricate lock. He tilted his head to the side slightly and bit his bottom lip in hesitation. "What is it, Ry?" she asked softly, rubbing her thumb over his soothingly. She knew that there was something there, poised just on the tip of his tongue. "You know that you can tell me anything. I promise I won't make a big deal out of it if it makes it any easier on you."

He shook his head slightly and then leaned forward attentively. "I was just thinking about how beautiful you look," he admitted with an impish smile. He had always complimented her looks freely when they were dating, but since they had broken up, he hadn't made a single comment about her appearance. She still saw him appraise her every time she came to visit, but he never showed any appreciation for the careful work she put into looking good for him. "I was just thinking about how I should have told you that earlier. I thought it the moment I saw you, but I didn't tell you. You came all this way, and you deserve to hear at least that."

Scarlet crept up Kelly's throat as she blushed deeply. Even after all this time, she still basked in Ryan's praise for her looks. She had never felt more beautiful than under his watchful gaze. Sometimes when they were in bed, he would stop kissing her just long enough to hover over her body. Gently, he would tuck a strand of hair behind her ears and just stare down at her before breathily telling her how gorgeous and sexy she was. It was such an intimate moment that it was almost too heavy for Kelly's very full heart to bear. No one would ever get to see Ryan that way, to know the sensitive man that eagerly appreciated the gentle curves of her waist or the sweet taste of her skin. It almost made her shudder to remember that version of him.

"Thank you," she replied sheepishly, not exactly sure how to react to the compliment. Kelly searched for the right words to convey how she was feeling. There were so many things she wanted to say but they would be left unsaid. She couldn't scare him off now, not when he was so close to her with his heart as wide open as it got for Ryan Howard. Her first instinct was to gloss over the moment, but who knew when she would get the chance again. She had to go for it now, even if it meant he would pull away. "Ryan, I owe you an apology. I never really said that I was sorry for what happened earlier this year. I should have never lied about the pregnancy. It was a stupid, childish ploy to hold onto someone that clearly didn't want to be held onto by me."

Ryan's silence gave Kelly a moment to flash back to that morning in the office when Ryan had returned to Scranton for the first time. She had barely recognized him with his expensive designer suit and patchy beard. More than that, she had barely recognized the arrogant, power-hungry guy who strode into the office as if he and his stupid BlackBerry were far more important than anyone else in the world. While she had planned on playing it cool, dressed in her new pink dress that accentuated all her finest assets, her resolve had crumbled as soon as she saw him again. As soon as he opened his mouth, she was determined to make him pay. Of course, the fake pregnancy had been a mistake, but when he asked her to dinner, she wanted just one more night. She would never forget holding his hand for that final time when they left the office.

Without pulling his hand away from hers, he propped his chin up on his fist. "Kel, that was a long time ago. We've both made a lot of mistakes in this…thing, so let's just call it even," he offered. Kelly hated how Ryan had never been able to call their relationship exactly that. In fact, even after he had left for New York, he still reminded her that they were never really in a relationship, even though he tried to lie and say that he hadn't asked Karen out. She knew the truth and had all along. "I mean, it was a long time ago, and we are friends or whatever now. You're with Darryl and I'm here. It doesn't matter anymore."

It was Kelly's turn to be silent as she stared at the scruffy table in front of her. She knew that Ryan was lying to her by the tone in his voice. He hated that she was with someone else as much as she hated that he was stuck here. If he hadn't been caught and was still living in New York, she knew that they still wouldn't be talking. It had taken his arrest to get him to a place where he would even let her help him. She knew that he had been doing drugs for months, so strung out that he lived his entire life in highs and lows. There was no middle ground anymore for him. Finally, when he had to involuntarily detox, he had sobered up enough to accept her place in his life. Before that, he had only acknowledged her when he was drunk or high, calling in the middle of the night to tell her how much he missed her. She would cry silently as he babbled on, knowing full well that he wouldn't remember the conversation in the morning. It broke her heart every time, but she never said anything. Like a true addict, she would take Ryan any way she could get him.

Taking a deep breath, she dared to contradict him. "That's where you're wrong, Ryan, it does matter. I messed up, and I am admitting that. We both have to start doing that if we're really going to be friends or whatever," she pointed out. She winced slightly when Ryan pulled his hand from hers and shoved it in his lap. Still, despite his physical recoil, she pressed on with her verbal confrontation. "I did this once with you, rode the carousel and danced the dance. If you want me here this time, you're going to have to do it with me. Dammit, Ryan, I deserve this. You can't keep pulling away."

Kelly rarely cursed and even her minor foul language was enough to get his attention. His hand slowly crept back across the table toward hers. It was her turn to weave their fingers together. She stared down at their hands for a moment – his smooth, milky skin against her silky, caramel skin. Glancing up, she saw that his gaze was steadily fixed on their fingers as well. "I know that I can't, Kel," he whispered, his voice barely audible over the loud hum of the packed room. His response sounded uncharacteristic but heartfelt. "I want you here more than anything. I'm not sure that I can make it through everything without you, but I don't know how I am supposed to do this. I'm not sure how to be the man you need me to be."

* * *

"We both deserve much better than this." Ryan heard the words over and over again in his mind. Panic immediately flooded his body as he looked into Kelly's coffee brown eyes. He was shocked and completely petrified to hear her mention them as an "us" again, something they hadn't been such a long time. It had always scared him to hear that. He hated the thought of feeling anything that went beyond the surface to the most vulnerable of places, his heart, so when she said those things to him, he would pull away. More than anything, he wanted to return her sentiment with a brilliant smile, but she couldn't. Not today and maybe not ever.

Yet, despite how frazzled he felt, he couldn't bear to end their physical connection. He needed something more as he locked their hands together so tightly that he couldn't tell where he ended and she began. Her eyes widened slightly at the gesture, stirring up thoughts in his head usually left unthought. Cocking his head, he bit his bottom lip to keep the words at bay, but she wasn't having it. "What is it, Ry?" she prodded gently, lightly brushing her thumb over his skin. It was right there on the tip of his tongue just waiting to be said. "You know that you can tell me anything. I promise I won't make it a big deal out of it if it makes it any easier on you."

Ryan shook his head and moved closer to the table thoughtfully. "I was just thinking about how beautiful you look," he confessed shyly. He had always paid her compliments when they were together, but since he had headed to New York, he had kept those thoughts to himself. He couldn't help but look her over every time she walked into a room, but he never allowed himself to tell her those things. He knew that she did this all for him. "I was just thinking about how I should have told you that earlier. I thought it the moment I saw you, but I didn't tell you. You came all this way, and you deserve to hear at least that.'

He watched in amusement as Kelly skin turned crimson. Ryan loved that he could still make her blush with a single compliment. She never looked more beautiful than in those moments when she knew he was watching her, especially in bed. He would get so caught up in her beauty that he would literally have to stop kissing her long enough to tell her exactly stunning she was. For Ryan, she was the epitome of sex and desire. It was rare that anyone got a glimpse at the man he so carefully hid, not wanting to let anyone see him falling even more in love with her. However, in those most intimate moments, he couldn't help but worship her full, luscious lips or the shallow caverns of her collarbone. It almost made him shudder to remember that version of her.

"Thank you," she retorted bashfully, understanding unsure of how to handle his compliment. He knew that she was choosing her words carefully. There were so many things she seemed to want to say but felt that they had to be left unsaid. He knew it would only take one false step and he would be scared off. She couldn't see how open he was to her right now. She could gloss over the moment, but he hoped that she didn't. It was unlikely that he would give her the opportunity again. It was too hard. "Ryan, I owe you an apology. I never really said that I was sorry for what happened earlier this year. I should have never lied about the pregnancy. It was a stupid, childish ploy to hold onto someone that clearly didn't want to be held onto by me."

Ryan was silent as he thought about that first morning back in Scranton. He had walked into the office with false bravado and confidence with his stupid suit and beard. He'd been so nervous that he had tried to pay more attention to his phone than to the people he had spent two years with. She had been so undeniably sexy in that hot pink dress, which hugged her body in exactly the right places. His cool visage had nearly shattered when he laid eyes on her, so he reacted by acting like an ass. She had paid him back with a made-up story about a baby that didn't exist. His heart nearly stopped when she told him that she was pregnant, but right there in that moment, he vowed to himself that he would do right by her and their child. They agreed to talk about it over dinner at her favorite restaurant. He would never forget holding her hand that last time when they left the office.

Keeping his hand in hers, he rested his chin on his other hand. "Kel, that was a long time ago. We've both made a lot of mistakes in this…thing, so let's just call it even," he attempted. He had never been able to acknowledge the thing between them as a relationship. Even after the breakup, he had maintained that they had just been a casual thing. Of course, she had seen right through that when she called into question his feelings for her and he had lied about asking Karen out. She knew the truth. "I mean, it was a long time ago, and we are friends or whatever now. You're with Darryl and I'm here. It doesn't matter anymore."

Ryan mentally kicked himself as she went silent and stared down at the table. His lie was so blatant. He hated that she was with someone that wasn't him like she hated that he was stuck somewhere that wasn't with her. They wouldn't even be talking if he hadn't been arrested. It had taken felony charges to get him to admit that he needed her in his life. His life had fallen apart after they broke up. He'd tried using drugs to numb the loneliness, never wanting to come back down so that he wouldn't have to feel the pain. That was all there was in his life at that point. Then, when he had to detox after the arrest, his sobriety forced him to admit how much he needed her. Before that, he had only found the courage in drugs or alcohol, dialing her after midnight to confess how much he missed her. He never acknowledged her muffled sobs as he rambled. She never knew that he remembered every single word the next morning. It broke his heart every time, but he never said anything. Like a true addict, he would take Kelly any way he could have her.

She inhaled deeply and started to argue with him. "That's where you're wrong, Ryan, it does matter. I messed up, and I am admitting that. We both have to start doing that if we're really going to be friends or whatever," she countered. He ignored her reaction as he folded his hands in his lap, wanting to put distance between them for the moment. Yet, she didn't let his move squelch her confrontation. "I did this once with you, rode the carousel and danced the dance. If you want me here this time, you're going to have to do it with me. Dammit, Ryan, I deserve this. You can't keep pulling away."

Kelly never cursed, so her small slip immediately grabbed his attention. He timidly reached for her hand again and was relieved when she locked them together. He stared down at their hands for a moment – her soft, mocha skin against his downy, creamy skin. Glancing up, he saw that her gaze was steadily fixed on their fingers as well. "I know that I can't, Kel," he murmured so softly that he could barely hear himself over all the noise in the room. It wasn't like him to be so open and honest. "I want you here more than anything. I'm not sure that I can make it through everything without you, but I don't know how I am supposed to do this. I'm not sure how to be the man you need me to be."


	5. Chapter 5

For the longest moment Kelly could ever remember, she sat there simply stunned, gazing into the clear cobalt eyes that she knew as well as her own. His words shook her to the core, his confession reaching the darkened part of her heart that had lost its light in the aftermath of their breakup. She had shut off that part of herself from the world, certain that she would never get the chance to feel those emotions swirling around the two of them. While Ryan had always been a different man with her, he had never been as accessible and honest as he was now. Even she could not have predicted that he would have been so open about his feelings for once. It almost made her uncomfortable to hear the admission. In all her experience and years of loving Ryan, she still had no clue what to do next.

A nameless guard slipped by their table, staring at Kelly for a second longer than made her comfortable. Ryan apparently did not appreciate the lewd gaping either as he glared unapologetically at the uniformed man. He started to say something in her defense when she pressed her cool palm to his arm. Kelly silently shook her head to prevent him from making a scene and causing unnecessary problems for either of them. If he got into trouble, Kelly wouldn't be able to visit, and she needed to be able to see him right now. She needed to be his lifeline, to know that she was getting him through his days here. Her motives were purely selfish for once, and any benefit to him was purely consequential.

It was only when the guard continued on ahead to the next table that Kelly removed her hand and relaxed back into her seat. Crossing her ankles, she allowed her ginger smile to linger for a prolonged moment as she held Ryan's gaze. She knew that there were two plans of attack she could implement in the wake of his words. Kelly could easily moon over what he had said or she could gloss over it. The first would give him control of the situation, justify how he was feeling by showing him that she was feeling as much or more. The independent woman she had become didn't like that plan. Instead, she opted for the second option and decided to play it cool. Her insides might be fluttering like a flock of spring butterflies, but her outside demeanor was the epitome of stoicism.

"Do you remember the first time we really talked?" she asked, her voice reserved and casual. "It was probably your second or third day in the office. It was right after I came back from the funeral…" Kelly allowed her voice to trail off temporarily as she thought about her sister. She rarely spoke of the younger sister she lost suddenly a few years ago after she was killed in a car accident. "Anyhow, I came into the break room, and Michael had you backed into the corner. He was going on and on about all the things the two of you could do that weekend. You looked like a deer caught in the headlights."

Kelly threw back her head, giggling as she remembered that Wednesday afternoon so long ago when she had come barreling into Ryan's life without an ounce of apology. She had marched right up to Michael and demanded that he apologize for his antics during Diversity Day when he had made repeated double entendres and disparaging remarks about different ethnicities, including her own Indian heritage. Michael had tried to beg off, hamming for the cameras as if she was only a woman being dramatic about his insensitivity. Kelly hadn't backed down until he had admitted his wrongdoing, standing there the entire time with her little fists balled on her hips. From then on, she had always shown Ryan that she was a relentless woman when there was something she wanted. It was that same tenacity she used to hold onto him for the next two years. Only now, in reflection, did she realize that he wanted her to capture him.

"Of course I remember that day," Ryan revealed as he joined in on her laughter. "I think it's the day that Michael fell in love with me. I mean, I wouldn't be sure for a few weeks until the Dundies when he gave me that inane award for being the hottest in the office. I don't think I have ever felt more uncomfortable. I got pretty close that time on Take Your Daughter to Work Day, though, when Stanley yelled at me. Like it was my fault that his daughter kept following me around! I can't help that people naturally fall in love with me. Man, I was scared for my life that day."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot about that day," she giggled again. She had been the one to point out the interaction between Ryan and Melissa to Stanley when she got jealous over the attention she thought Ryan was paying to the young girl. It was only later that night over drinks at Poor Richard's that he commented on how awkward it was to have her following him around like a lost puppy. At the time Kelly had thought that he was gently pointing out her faults as well, but now she understood that he was just venting about his day. "I guess you're just a lovable guy, Ryan Howard. I mean, Michael saw your inner beauty from the very first time he laid eyes on you. It was that charm that made him fall in love with you."

Ryan wrinkled his nose at the thought of his former boss falling for him. Kelly knew he had never understood the strange man crush Michael had on him or what had attracted so many random people to him over the years. He still didn't understand what it was that kept her coming back to him. "Well, if it was my inner beauty that Michael fell for, what made you fall for me?" he asked, his voice tinged with embarrassment. This was completely unlike him. "We've never really talked about it, but I've always wanted to know. Since you don't have those feelings for me anymore and you're with that warehouse guy, I guess I can finally ask you that."

"His name is Darryl," she corrected him with a roll of her dark brown eyes. Kelly had thought about what had initially attracted her to Ryan many times, especially in those hours when she would find herself alone and crying in bed. It was always after they would have a fight. Ryan would show up after midnight, inevitably drunk and begging forgiveness. She would cave easily, and they would end up tangled in each other in her bed. "I knew that I liked you for awhile. I don't know what it was – your blue eyes or the way you didn't seem to care what anyone there thought of you or how I knew that you were meant for something bigger than Scranton. I just knew that all those tiny things added up to me wanting to be with you. But I guess there was one thing that cemented it. It seems so trivial and minor in retrospect, but I suppose it pushed me over the proverbial edge."

"Well, what is it?" he demanded curiously. Kelly smiled at his eager demeanor. It was so rare that he paid full attention to what she was saying, and now that he was, Ryan wanted to know what made her fall in love with him. She knew that as soon as he heard the answer he would be disappointed because it wasn't this groundbreaking revelation. "Tell me, Kel. What set you over the edge?"

"You asked Jim about his chair," she answered simply. His silence illustrated his clear confusion, eliciting another smile from her. "It was like this two second conversation that neither of you probably even remember, but it has stayed with me. I think that's kind of how love happens. There are these grandiose moments both people remember – like the first night you spent at my apartment. And then there are these other smaller moments that are meant for only one person to remember. I guess that conversation was one of them. You had come back to the annex to ask Jim how to raise his chair for Michael. It was that day Michael's carpet got stained, and Jim told you just to raise the lever. You smiled at me over his shoulder and said, 'Thanks, that's what I thought.' It was silly and meaningless, but something just clicked in me. It felt…right."

Ryan smacked his hand to his forehead as if he remembered that day. It was that day Kelly had asked Jim to find out if Ryan liked her. She had tried to play it cool as if she was down for something casual even though she wanted them to get serious quickly. She had no idea that conversation would lead to a two-year relationship with someone she had come to see as her best friend. "Oh, man, I remember that day," he chuckled. "I think I actually made a comment about liking 'a little junk in the trunk.' I was just surprised Jim was asking me about you. I mean, I thought you were cute for awhile. That was like two weeks before Valentine's Day."

She could still remember the night before Valentine's Day two years ago perfectly. They had gone to this dive bar to hang out with his friends. She had sat next to him all night crammed in the booth, watching him knock back beers while she sipped on the same Seven and Seven for hours. It was the first time he had ordered her signature blended cocktail of eight maraschino cherries with sugar on the rim. All night, she could remember asking herself what was taking him so long. Finally, when an old Jann Arden song was playing on the jukebox, he had leaned over and kissed her. It had been one of those kisses that started out with a quick peck and continued into a slow, lingering caress that left them both breathless and unaware of their surroundings. "I can't believe I actually asked you what was taking you so long to kiss me. I mean, I was thinking it, but I can't believe I asked it," she mused. "What _did_ take you so long?"

"I didn't want to mess it up," he answered truthfully. She watched a range of emotions play out on his face as he chose his next words. Sensing something bigger was at play here, she laid her hand palm up in the middle of the table in a small gesture of offering. Anticipation of his touch prickled her skin. Two years after that kiss and she was still asking herself what was taking so long. Finally, she felt that familiar sense of fire wash through her when his skin brushed over hers. "I knew what it would mean if I kissed you, and I didn't want it to be anything less than right. I didn't mess that up, but I pretty much screwed up everything that came after that. I am the reason that we ended. I messed this up, Kel, I messed _us_ up. I guess the thing that is taking me so long now is asking if it's too late to fix this."

* * *

Far too many seconds passed before Kelly said anything, electing to gape at him with shock in her comfortingly familiar cocoa eyes. Ryan knew that his words had shook Kelly, taking her to a place she had tried to hide from during their time together. She had shut that part of herself off to him and perhaps everyone else after he had broken her heart. He knew that it was probably because she was afraid of getting hurt again by the emotions that still resounded so loudly between the two of them. It was hard for him to be this person with her, too. Ryan had always been different with Kelly, but he had never been as open as he was now. Even he could not have predicted that he would have been so open about his feelings for once. He felt uncomfortable to admit these things. In all the time they had shared together, Ryan still didn't know what to do when it came to Kelly.

Jack, the moronic guard that worked every Sunday morning, strode by their table, pausing to gape down Kelly's blouse. His gaze lingered longer than either of them would have liked, making Kelly uncomfortable and Ryan mad. He glared at the man angrily, ready to yell at him for looking at her like that, when he felt Kelly's hand on his arm. She shook her head, instantly biting back the acidic words that had been at the tip of his tongue. If Ryan got into trouble, she wouldn't be able to visit, and he needed to be able to see her right now. He needed her to be his lifeline, to know that she was there to get him through his days. His motives were purely selfish as usual, and any benefit to her was purely consequential.

Once the guard had moved onto the next pair of visitors, Kelly moved her hand back to her lap and leaned back in the chair. Ryan tried to figure out the mysterious smile painted across her ruby lips as she stared at him steadily. He expected her to moon over what he had just said as it was the typical and expected Kelly response. He knew what to do with that kind of reply – it would give him control and acknowledge that she felt the same as he did. However, he also knew that there was a chance that she could finally exercise some of her newfound independence and completely blow him off. The control freak in him didn't like that plan. His heart was a bundle of nerves on the inside, but he remained calm and collected on the outside.

"Do you remember the first time we really talked?" she inquired nonchalantly. "It was probably your second or third day in the office. It was right after I came back from the funeral…" Ryan could hear the pain in her voice as she paused at the thought of her sister. She never really talked about her sister. "Anyhow, I came into the break room, and Michael had you backed into the corner. He was going on and on about all the things the two of you could do that weekend. You looked like a deer caught in the headlights."

Ryan watched in delight as she started to giggle like the girly girl she was, thinking about the day she had unknowingly changed his life. She had been furious when she came into the break room and forced Michael to apologize for his racial slurs during Diversity Day. Like always, their boss had tried to get out of it, pretending to be the perfect boss for the documentary crew. She had seen right through it, going head to head with him until he finally apologized. He had admired her tenacity when she had refused to back down and stood up for what she believed in. It was that same self-assurance that would enable her to hold onto Ryan for so long. Only now, with time and distance, did he realize that he'd wanted her to catch him all along.

"Of course I remember that day," Ryan chuckled. "I think it's the day that Michael fell in love with me. I mean, I wouldn't be sure for a few weeks until the Dundies when he gave me that inane award for being the hottest in the office. I don't think I have ever felt more uncomfortable. I got pretty close that time on Take Your Daughter to Work Day, though, when Stanley yelled at me. Like it was my fault that his daughter kept following me around! I can't help that people naturally fall in love with me. Man, I was scared for my life that day."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot about that day," Kelly smirked cutely. He'd been furious when Kelly had made a big deal out of something that wasn't there between him and Melissa. She'd been jealous, and Ryan had paid the price when Stanley berated him in the break room. He'd told her that night at the bar how much he hated having the young girl stalk him suggestively all day. He could still remember how much he liked distressing with her from their usual corner booth. "I guess you're just a lovable guy, Ryan Howard. I mean, Michael saw your inner beauty from the very first time he laid eyes on you. It was that charm that made him fall in love with you."

Ryan felt disgusted thinking about Michael's crush on him. He'd never really understood the strange attraction their boss had for him or why anyone had ever really fallen for him. Hell, he didn't even have a clue why Kelly would keep coming back to him.

Ryan wrinkled his nose at the thought of his former boss falling for him. Kelly knew he had never understood the strange man crush Michael had on him or what had attracted so many random people to him over the years. He still didn't understand what it was that kept her coming back to him. "Well, if it was my inner beauty that Michael fell for, what made you fall for me?" he asked sheepishly. This was way beyond his comfort zone. "We've never really talked about it, but I've always wanted to know. Since you don't have those feelings for me anymore and you're with that warehouse guy, I guess I can finally ask you that."

"His name is Darryl," she snapped automatically before rolling her eyes dramatically. He had thought about what had initially attracted him to Kelly many times, especially now that he had plenty of time alone to think about her. He would think about those nights after they would have a big fight and he would go to some random hangout to drown his sorrows in pale ale. He'd stumble into her apartment with sweet nothings and apologies, just waiting for the moment when she would give in and lead him to her bed. He'd liked waking up completely entwined in her arms. "I knew that I liked you for awhile. I don't know what it was – your blue eyes or the way you didn't seem to care what anyone there thought of you or how I knew that you were meant for something bigger than Scranton. I just knew that all those tiny things added up to me wanting to be with you. But I guess there was one thing that cemented it. It seems so trivial and minor in retrospect, but I suppose it pushed me over the proverbial edge."

"Well, what is it?" he implored anxiously. Ryan couldn't help but feel eager to hear what she had to say. All of his attention was focused on her; he had to know why she had fallen in love with him. He was sure that it was some grand reason that would explain and justify everything. "Tell me, Kel. What set you over the edge?"

"You asked Jim about his chair," she retorted vaguely. Ryan's immediate reaction was a mix of confusion, which apparently amused her. "It was like this two second conversation that neither of you probably even remember, but it has stayed with me. I think that's kind of how love happens. There are these grandiose moments both people remember – like the first night you spent at my apartment. And then there are these other smaller moments that are meant for only one person to remember. I guess that conversation was one of them. You had come back to the annex to ask Jim how to raise his chair for Michael. It was that day Michael's carpet got stained, and Jim told you just to raise the lever. You smiled at me over his shoulder and said, 'Thanks, that's what I thought.' It was silly and meaningless, but something just clicked in me. It felt…right."

It was the day that Jim had asked what he thought about Kelly, and he had foolishly believed that maybe he could get a casual hookup from her. He'd felt stupid asking Jim to play the middleman between them like they were in some grade school crush. She had tried to play it cool and pretend that they could be some casual thing, but he had seen the glimmer in her eye. He had no clue that conversation would lead to a two-year commitment to someone he now secretly considered his best friend. "Oh, man, I remember that day," he grinned. "I think I actually made a comment about liking 'a little junk in the trunk.' I was just surprised Jim was asking me about you. I mean, I thought you were cute for awhile. That was like two weeks before Valentine's Day."

Their first Valentine's Day together was a memory forever cemented on his brain. They'd gone to some dive hangout to hang with his college buddies because he had been too cheap and too much of a jerk to take her on an actual date. She'd say by his side all night into that tiny booth while he drank beer after beer. He'd acquired a new skill that night, ordering her ridiculously frilly cocktail for the first time. All night, he kept thinking about how he should kiss her. He didn't know what was taking him so long, so when he heard "Insensitive" playing in the bar, he'd finally reached over and pressed his lips to hers. It was only a peck at first but quickly turned into a more passionate kiss that took away his very breath and blurred everything around them. "I can't believe I actually asked you what was taking you so long to kiss me. I mean, I was thinking it, but I can't believe I asked it," she reminisced. "What _did_ take you so long?"

"I didn't want to mess it up," he confessed. Now was the time to say something he had been waiting a long time to say. She must have sense it too because soon he saw her tiny hand reaching out for his from across the table. Anticipation of touching her electrified his senses. Two years after their first kiss and he was still trying to figure out what was taking him so long. Finally, he felt a comforting thrill shoot through him as he caressed her hand. "I knew what it would mean if I kissed you, and I didn't want it to be anything less than right. I didn't mess that up, but I pretty much screwed up everything that came after that. I am the reason that we ended. I messed this up, Kel, I messed _us_ up. I guess the thing that is taking me so long now is asking if it's too late to fix this."


	6. Chapter 6

"Attention all guests, visiting hours will conclude in fifteen minutes."

Kelly scrunched her nose at the unwelcome announcement. Just when she finally had Ryan confessing things she had waited years to hear, some faceless voice had come along to put an end to it. Within a half-hour, she would be edging out of New York once again, dreading the long drive back to Scranton while listening to moody acoustic rock and sipping an ice cold strawberry smoothie. She hated that part of Sunday the most. Sometimes, she managed to save the tears until she hit the open highway and other times they found their way down her cheek before she could even get out of the prison. Looking up at Ryan, she knew that this was going to be one of those days.

Ryan had excused himself a minute before to retrieve a few things from the nearby vending machine, a routine that usually concluded their weekly visit. She would bring him money from his parents so that he could buy a few necessities, including cigarettes to trade for other contraband in his cellblock. Kelly hated this particular part of the day the most because it gave her the chance to watch Ryan. It used to be something she loved more than anything, stealing long glances across the office while he pretended to work and not notice her staring at him. Now, she knew that he was well aware of his presence by the way his muscles tensed in his back. He hated taking money from her, especially when it came from his family. Still, since he had no way of getting it himself, he really didn't have any choice but to swallow his pride and accept help.

Slipping back into his seat without a word, Kelly watched as Ryan tucked away the few packs of cigarettes and other junk food into the back pocket of his jumpsuit. She took the handful of silver coins he offered back to her, depositing them in the bottom of her purse. "So, I guess we don't really have that much more time. Is there anything you want me to pass along or bring next time?" she asked, ready to jot his requests on a bright pink notepad.

"Actually, do you think that there is any way you can take off a day from work this week?" he asked without looking up at her. He suddenly appeared to be very interested in his unkempt nails. "I'd really like it if you could be at my appeal hearing. I don't know if they are going to make any decisions, but I could really use the support."

"Shouldn't you ask your parents or someone that you love?" she asked automatically. During his last trial, he had done everything to make it clear to her that he didn't want her there. At the time, she had thought about how selfish he was to keep her away, but now she was starting to think that it was his way of protecting her. He didn't want her to see him like that. "I mean, you didn't really want me around last time, Ryan. I don't want to make things harder for you."

"You're here every week, Kel," he pointed out. "You've already pretty much seen me at my worst, and I don't even mean here. You knew me when I was a cocky jackass of a boss, and you still managed not to hate me. My family couldn't even be bothered to show up for a single day in court let alone a Sunday visit. I don't want them there. I need you there. Do you see the difference?"

"I do," she nodded. She took a cue from Ryan and looked down at her hands. Her short fingernails had been filed into perfect ovals and painted bright pink during her weekly manicure. She had picked the color because it was the same shade of a dress she once wore that Ryan loved. Without realizing it, the man crept into every choice that she made. Even the decision to date Darryl came from knowing his biggest insecurities. "Do you?"

She wanted him to tell her that he knew exactly what he was doing, what he was asking of her. She wanted Ryan to tell her that he had been wrong, to open his heart to her like he had earlier. She wanted him to tell her that he didn't care if he was in prison, that he wanted to have a life with her once he was free. She wanted him to tell her how having there would make him feel better, how she was the love of his very screwed up life. She just wanted more.

Instead, Kelly got a half smile and a tired shrug. "I said that I needed you there. That's all I am going to give you for now," he teased her. "You know as well as I do that you're going to show up when I need you. You belong there, Kel, standing by my side. It's where you've always belonged. You can pretend that you moved on, but you wouldn't keep coming here if you had. Maybe I was foolish before, maybe I tried to hard to pretend that this wasn't something that it is, but I'm not doing that anymore. I am telling you that you belong to me. Not Darryl. You belong with me. I am going to find a way to get out of here and prove that to you."

Everything in her being wanted to leap from her seat and rush around to throw herself in his arms. She wanted to shower tiny little kisses down over his face and press her lips to his until they were both breathless. But she couldn't. She couldn't be with him the way that she wanted to be with him because he had made a mistake. In fact, he had made a lot of mistakes. However, for the first time in as long as she had known him, he was trying to do the right thing. "Okay, you're right." She didn't say anymore than that. There wasn't any need to say more than that.

"Wow, I expected a little more argument than that," he smiled impishly. His hand was shaking as he reached across the table. She couldn't help but notice how nervous he seemed, like a twelve-year-old boy getting ready to make his first move on a girl. Well, Kelly had been with Ryan for two years, and she knew that he had been around the block a time or two. Yet, as he studied her carefully, she also knew that she was seeing a part of him for the first time. It was one thing to know that he loved her. It was another thing to see him know it, too. It wasn't the first time that thought had occurred to her that day, but it kept coming back to her. "So, you'll break up with him?"

Kelly brushed her warm thumb over his cool palm, tracing small circles on his rough skin. Darryl had been new, fun, exciting and easy. Ryan was familiar, intense, dramatic and complicated. Darryl had given of himself freely, letting her know how he felt and patiently waiting for her to come around. Ryan had never given of himself, only caring how he felt and impatiently waiting for to go away. Darryl had been her safety net. Ryan had pushed her off a cliff. Still, it had been one hell of a ride down. "I'll be there."

* * *

"Attention all guests, visiting hours will conclude in fifteen minutes."

Ryan dreaded hearing those words every week, but they felt like a reprieve today. He welcomed the interruption, happy to have an easy out in his sudden confession. If he could just make it through the next 30 minutes, he could retreat back to the safe haven of his jail cell and pretend that none of this had happened if he wanted to. He could drown out the noise around him with whatever scratchy FM radio station he could tune through his earphones and begin the countdown until he would get to see her again. He hated that part of Sunday the most. Ryan always tried to hide the disappointment until after she was gone, but he knew that she saw it every time she left at him.

Feeling the sudden need to put a little distance between himself and Kelly, he took the money she had given him earlier and retreated to the vending machines across the room. He hated asking his parents for anything, but he needed it to get by. Cigarettes were an important currency here, and a few cartons could get him quite a bit. As he punched the buttons on the machine, he could feel her eyes on his back. He instantly felt anxious under her watchful gaze. He tried to pretend that she wasn't staring at him, much like he had tried to pretend back in Scranton. Ryan hadn't done a very good job, and he wasn't doing a good job now. It didn't really matter anymore, anyways. She always saw right through him.

Once he was back in his chair, he shoved the cigarettes out of sight and handed over the rest of the change. She always kept them in case his parents didn't send over any cash to help her out. "So, I guess we don't really have that much more time. Is there anything you want me to pass along or bring next time?" Kelly asked as she tapped her purple pen against her notebook.

He knew that what he was about to ask her, she couldn't just pick up in the store. Ryan hated to ask her to take off work when she had already used so much vacation while he was on trial, but he needed her at his appeal hearing. She seemed open to it when he asked, especially when he admitted how much he wanted her there. "I don't know if they are going to make any decisions, but I could really use the support."

Her reply question came instantaneously, so quickly that he knew it was an inert reaction. "Shouldn't you ask your parents or someone that you love?" Her words stung, but he couldn't really blame her. He hadn't been receptive to her during that first trial, mostly out of guilt. Pretending that he didn't want her there was the only way he knew of to push her away. However, ever the strong and resilient type, Kelly hadn't backed down. She had been there every single day and every one since. "I mean, you didn't really want me around last time, Ryan. I don't want to make things harder for you."

After all he had said to her earlier, he couldn't believe that they were back here again. "You're here every week, Kel," Ryan argued. "You've already pretty much seen me at my worst, and I don't even mean here." She didn't need to be reminded how awful he had been in New York when he had almost managed to make her hate him. If not even that had deterred her, he knew that this wouldn't. Maybe his family couldn't show up, but she was there for him whether she liked it or not. "I don't want them there. I need you there. Do you see the difference?"

"I do." He hated her curt response and the way she avoided him while she looked down at her tiny, perfect hands. He knew that she had picked the vibrant fuchsia shade on her nails to match the polka dot dress she had worn the night she pretended to be pregnant. She'd worn it on their sixth date and again the first time he drunkenly admitted that he loved her. It was kind of their dress. "Do you?"

He wanted to tell her that he was tired of playing these games, tired of having to prove how much he really cared about her. He wanted Kelly to Kelly to understand that he meant what he said, understand that this might not be easy but he was trying so hard to make it work. He wanted to tell her that it didn't matter where he was, that he would always love her and only her. He wanted to tell her that he wanted to hold her if he was made free gain, hold her if he was sent back here to perish. He just wanted her.

Instead, he tried to muster a brave smile and acted nonchalant. "I said that I needed you there. That's all I am going to give you for now," he joked. She didn't seem to think it was funny as he began to ramble on about how he knew that she would be there. "It's where you've always belonged. You can pretend that you moved on, but you wouldn't keep coming here if you had. Maybe I was foolish before, maybe I tried to hard to pretend that this wasn't something that it is, but I'm not doing that anymore. I am telling you that you belong to me. Not Darryl. You belong with me. I am going to find a way to get out of here and prove that to you."

If they were anywhere else, Ryan knew that his words would have sent her into a giddy whirlwind, but in the visiting room at the prison, she was the epitome of sophistication. He wished that they were alone so that she could show her appreciation with one of those mind-blowing kisses that left her juicy lips swollen and branded from him. But they weren't. They weren't together the way that they wanted to be because of another of his bad choices. He'd made a lot of them, including letting her go, but he was determined to turn that around. "Okay, you're right."

Ryan waited for her to say more but it never game. With a boyish smile, he reached once again for her hand. He tried to shake off the nerves shaking through his body, wishing that he looked a little cooler than an awkward preteen. He'd never really been one to be shy around a girl, but with Kelly, this time was different. He felt like it was the first time he had ever held onto someone that really mattered to him. It was one thing to know that she loved him. It was another thing to realize he loved her, too. It wasn't the first time that thought had occurred to him that day, but it kept coming back to him. "So, you'll break up with him?"

Barely able to think over the sensual patterns she was painting over his hand, he watched her carefully weigh her options. Life with Kelly was exhausting, infuriating, overwhelming and draining. Life without Kelly was shallow, vapid, empty and boring. Life with Kelly presented him with challenges and rewards. Life without Kelly presented him with a dull ache that he tried to avoid in the pit of his stomach. Life with Kelly had been a freefall. Life without Kelly had kept both his feet on the ground. He wanted the ride of a lifetime, and apparently, so did she. "I'll be there."


	7. Chapter 7

Fifteen minutes seemed to pass in record time because before she knew it, the same surly guard was doing a final sweep of the room to remind visitors that their time was up. She managed a polite smile before he moved on to the next pair a few tables over, praying that they would be able to get a couple more minutes of conversation in before he came back around to them again. Ryan was twitching now, his leg bouncing nervously in anticipation of returning to his cell. She hated to leave him feeling like this, but she didn't have a choice. Part of her felt guilty about that but she also knew that this was his doing. Ryan's decisions had landed him here, landed them there really. For as long as he was locked up in this hellhole, Kelly knew that her heart was in prison along with him.

"Well, I really should get on the road," she announced reluctantly as she stood up. Reaching over her head, she arched her back in a lazy stretch like a cat. Ryan nodded in response as he stood up and came around the table to hug her goodbye. He stood a foot away from her, nervously scuffing his shoe against the dingy tile. "I will make sure that I take that day off work so I can be here. Don't worry, Ry, this is going to work. I can just feel it."

He looked at her for a moment before a smile slowly crept across his handsome face. "It kind of has to, doesn't it?" he declared before looking back down at his feet. "Besides, if you can believe that it's going to work out, maybe I can, too." The guard passed behind Kelly, tapping against his watch obviously. Ryan shot him a dirty look before choosing to ignore him. "Have a safe drive back to Scranton. I'll see you next week, right?"

She nodded her head sadly before moving into hug him. "Of course," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around his rigid body. He hated public affection, and even prison hadn't changed that. Most people would crave any kind of intimate connection to home locked up there but not Ryan. He was just as uncomfortable as ever. Still, that didn't deter Kelly's need to hug him. It didn't matter if it was awkward for Ryan, this was what Kelly came for. It was the moment that kept her coming back. Just a simple hug was enough to keep her hanging on for an entire week until she would be able to hold him again. It might sound silly to someone who had never been in love, but any woman who had truly fallen in love with a man would understand the sentiment. It was the nearness of him.

As she pulled away, Ryan reached instantly for her wrist and pulled her back to him. She was slightly thrown off as he wrapped her into a tight embrace, burying his face in the crown of her hair. Kelly closed her eyes as they clung to each other, managing to forget their surroundings for just a moment. It was he that pulled away first this time but only slightly, just enough to reach up and frame her face in his warm palms. Leaning his forehead to hers, he captured her parted lips in a surprising kiss. It was the first time he had kissed her in almost a year. "Break up with Darryl before you come next time," he urged her softly. "You're mine, Kel. After I get out of here, you're all mine."

Pressing her fingertips to her tingling lips, she was speechless as a guard returned to escort him from the room. Kelly watched Ryan disappear through the doorway, craning her neck to watch him walk away through the large glass window. Just before he turned a corner, he looked back at her over his shoulder and winked. Closing her eyes, she promised that she would remember this moment later when she was alone in her bed, quietly crying herself to sleep because he wasn't there. For the first time since he had pulled her into his arms, she allowed a long exhale and tried to recapture her breath. And then, just as she did every Sunday, she gathered herself and walked out of the prison with her head held high and her dignity still in tact.

She managed to hold herself together just long enough to reach the parking lot before she felt the tears starting to come. Perfectly on cue, large droplets of water found their way down her round cheeks and fell haplessly onto the hot, black asphalt below. She fumbled with her keys as she tried to let herself into her car, praying that she could hold it together well enough to drive. She suddenly hungered for the open road, loud music and wind blowing through her silky black hair. She wanted to take the time back to Scranton to just shut out the world and mull over what had just happened. Kelly felt like she deserved that much. This is what she had wanted for so long, and even though the location was less than ideal and she could do without the hundred spectators in the room, she finally had it. She was Ryan's. Ryan was hers. They were finally, truly, really together.

Jamming the key into the ignition, she flipped down the mirror to inspect her running mascara. As she caught side of her eyes in the small piece of glass, she was surprised to find herself suddenly laughing. _This is it_, she thought to herself. _This is what I want. This is my life. _ Only one in a million would ever choose this way to be with the person that they love, but if this was what it took for Kelly to finally have Ryan, she would choose it every time. It was unconventional, it was confining but it was real. With only a breakup and an appeal standing in their way, she felt like they were odds she could take. She'd gotten through much worse, with and without Ryan. She could do this. He should do this. They would do this.

Pulling out of the parking lot, Kelly felt suddenly revived as she headed toward the nearest drive-thru place for her favorite frozen strawberry concoction. She would take Ryan there the day that he was released from prison before coming back to Scranton. Like they always had been in their relationship, they would be alone. His parents wouldn't show up. Her parents wouldn't approve. His friends wouldn't be bothered to come support him. Her friends wouldn't understand how she still could. It wouldn't be the homecoming that she wanted or he deserved, but Kelly knew somehow that it would still be perfect. It would be exactly what he would want.

As she pressed her black heel to the tiny gas pedal, she enjoyed the happy hum of her accelerator and let herself fade into the happy future she was already planning. Even Kelly was not naïve enough to believe that everything would go perfectly to plan, but a girl could dream. There wasn't much she could do about the appeal, but she could be there for him. Before she could do that, she needed to ensure that she would be there totally for him. Reaching across the seat, she pulled her cell phone from her purse and hit automatic dial. When a familiar voice came over the line, Kelly took a deep breath and reminded herself that this was worth it. "Hey, we need to talk."

* * *

It felt like hardly a second had passed since the guard had announced a final call for visiting hours, but before he knew it, the man was making another round to get rid of the civilians. Ryan hated the guard for taking Kelly away from him so easily, as if he didn't care that he was taking the one thing in the world that still mattered to him. It was a little melodramatic, but that was how it felt every time she left. He always felt restless when she would go, a tiny part of him wondering if this would be the last time she would come to see him. He hated wondering if she would finally come to her senses and leave him for good. He had done this to them after all, and he would have deserved it. Her heart didn't deserve to be put through this, but the minute he had been sentenced, she had locked a part of her in the cell with him.

"Well, I really should get on the road," she told him. He noted the hesitation in her voice as she contorted her body into a feline stretch, much like she did when she would wake up in his arms. He bobbed his head up and down to acknowledge her statement before coming over to hug her. Putting a little distance between them, he tried to find the right parting words to reassure her that this was the right thing for them both. However, as he stared at the floor, those words failed to come to him but not to her. "I will make sure that I take that day off work so I can be here. Don't worry, Ry, this is going to work. I can just feel it."

Gazing at her carefully, he couldn't hide his thankful smile. "It kind of has to, doesn't it?" he replied. It had to work because he had to be her. "Besides, if you can believe that it's going to work out, maybe I can, too." Jack ambled by and indicated the time by punching his grubby finger against the face of his cheap watch. With a quick glare, Ryan opted not to focus on him in his final seconds with Kelly. "Have a safe drive back to Scranton. I'll see you next week, right?"

Ryan felt her nod against his cheek as she hugged him. "Of course," she murmured into his ear as she enveloped him in her warm embrace. He wanted to return the hug, to let her know how much it was wanted, but he couldn't. He was frozen in his spot, unsure of what to do or how to react. It didn't seem to faze her though because she kept on holding on to him. It was his parting gift to her. It was the only thing he could give her here. She deserved more. It might sound trite to someone who had never fallen in love, but any guy who knows what it's like to have the love of a good woman would understand the sentiment. It was the nearness of her.

His arms suddenly felt empty as she moved away from him, and Ryan felt the need to be full again. Pulling her into his body, he held her tightly in his arms and took in the gentle scent that defined Kelly Kapoor. He closed his eyes as they clung to each other, choosing to focus only on them. He could feel his heart falling, just like it had fallen a million times over and over again for her. Framing her face in his hands, he connected first their foreheads and then their lips. She was a willing partner to his breathtaking kiss, the first for them in many months. "Break up with Darryl before you come next time," he implored desperately. "You're mine, Kel. After I get out of here, you're all mine."

He didn't dare look at her as Jack came over to take him out of the room and back to his cell. As he followed the guard through the doorway, he pressed his palm over his mouth and tried to regain his breath. Boots clicked on the linoleum as they started down the hallway, echoing to the rafters. Everything around him seemed magnified, and as he looked over his shoulder just before turning the corner, her beauty seemed bigger than it had just been. He winked at her as she disappeared from his sight, vowing that he would remember how happy she looked later when he was alone in bed, quietly praying that God wouldn't leave him there. For the first time since he had held her, he finally found himself breathing steadily. And then, just as he did every Sunday, he gathered himself and walked back into the cellblock with his head down and his will defiantly strong.

Ryan managed his cool reverie long enough to escape back to his cell before the steady façade fell away. Burying himself beneath his blankets, he pretended to nap as he retraced every single word, every single gesture, every single touch of their time together. Staring at the ugly stained mattress above his head, he hoped that he could hold himself together long enough to get out of here. He suddenly hungered for a long nap, calming quiet and the warmth of the blankets around his lanky frame. He wanted to take the same two hours that it would take her to get back home to think about her. A lot had happened just now, even if it seemed like a small step. He had held back for so long, but today, he had finally given Kelly the last piece of him. She belonged to him. He belonged to her. They belonged to each other.

Pulling a pillow over his head, he flipped over on the bed and stifled the confusing tears dwelling somewhere below the surface. As he thought about actually crying tears of joy in this place, he found himself chuckling quietly to himself. _I finally did it_, he told himself. _I finally went after I wanted. I finally have the girl_. It didn't happen the way he had hoped, but it had still happened nonetheless. He wanted it to be more for her, but he also knew that she didn't care about all that when it really came down to it. She would choose him every time. It was slightly embarrassing, it was hardly romantic but it was completely honest. After she had broken up with that guy from the warehouse and he had finally won back his freedom, they would have the life he promised her.

As Ryan started to drift to sleep, he allowed himself to succumb to the comforting darkness as his mind slipped into a semi-conscious state where he could still daydream of her. He thought about what it would be like coming home to Scranton, home to her. There wouldn't be a big party for him or even a small family dinner. Neither of their families would be apart of it. No friends would stop by with cards and hugs and balloons. Neither of their friends would think he deserved it. It wouldn't be what most people would want, but it was more than enough for Ryan. In fact, it was exactly what he wanted.

Pressing his heels against the foot of the bed, he enjoyed the comforting hum of the fan next to him and let himself fade even further into the dream of their future together. It would be imperfect just like everything else between them, but he liked it that way. That was real life – chaos personified. He couldn't control the fate of his appeal. He couldn't force her to break up with Darryl. He could only hope that the judge would see he was worth loving. He could only hope that she would always believe that he was worth loving. Pulling the pillow away from his face, he fixed his gaze back to the mattress hanging over him. There was only one person that could help them both through this. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and bowed his head in prayer. "Hey, we need to talk."


	8. Chapter 8

The office was unusually quiet for a Tuesday morning. Kelly returned her phone to its cradle and leaned back casually in her chair, wishing that someone would come along to break her out of her self-pitying reverie. With Toby gone, she didn't have anyone working with her back in the annex. She had tried to convince the new girl who'd replaced him to stay back there, but she had made up some excuse about having season. It wasn't much different than the lame excuse Toby had about some fake wood allergy he made up. Kelly wasn't stupid. She knew that she could be abrasive and that people didn't always get her personality. She just always took a chance that someone would.

Looking through her call sheet, she tried to ignore the happy sounds of Pam and Jim flirting at the reception desk or Phyllis making her routine mid-morning call to check in with Bob Vance. People were happy all around her, lucky enough to be able to spend their days with the people that they loved. The world hadn't been as kind to her. She had done everything right, at least according to her, but she was still without Ryan by her side. Running her fingers through her silky bob, she tried to be optimistic and remind herself that they just had to get through the appeal. However, the usually chipper Kelly wasn't feeling all that positive.

She had met with Ryan's parents the previous night to secure money for the appeal. They had agreed to pay for the lawyer but refused to show up for the date. His father was terribly ashamed of what his son had done. The last thing he wanted was for such a reputation to follow him into his own career. His mother had been out of it as usual, sipping her cocktail and agreeing to whatever her husband said. It made sick that these two people could be parents. It explained a lot about why Ryan was the way he was. How would he ever know how to love someone if this is who he had to serve as an example?

Now, as she looked at the sizable check, Kelly wished that they could use this money for something else. She knew how much he had always wanted to go to Europe. He'd always told her how he had almost backpacked across the continent after college but found a temping job at Dunder Mifflin to pay for business school instead. She'd always vowed to herself that if she had enough money, she would make at least one of Ryan's dreams come true. Now that he was set on having a life with her, he had made one of her dreams come true. More than anything, Kelly just wanted to reciprocate the favor. There was a trust funding sitting in an account that she had always assumed would pay for her wedding. Suddenly, that didn't seem so important anymore.

"Hey, Kelly, a few of us were going to go to Poor Richard's for lunch. I thought I would see if you wanted to come," Pam inquired warmly. The pretty secretary had her arm looped happily through Jim's. Kelly looked back at the check and shook her head. "Okay, well, are you sure?"

Kelly nodded again before managing a small smile for her co-workers. "I have an errand that I need to run for Ryan. You guys go ahead and have fun."

The couple shrugged and made their way out of the office with a few of the others. As the door shut, Kelly could hear Jim telling Pam how he couldn't understand why she kept hanging in there for something that wasn't going to happen. Pam stopped in the doorway and regarded her boyfriend for a minute before murmuring, "You waited for me, and look how that turned out."

The truth was Kelly just didn't really feel like being around the gang right now. They knew that the appeal was coming up quickly and had been asking her questions all week. And she didn't know if Darryl would be there, so it would just be easier to avoid it altogether. Their breakup had been civil, but it was still an awkward situation. They both knew why she was doing it but neither of them had the courage to come out with it. Darryl didn't want to admit that she would rather be with a criminal than him, and Kelly didn't have the heart to tell him that it was true. It wasn't that he wasn't good enough. He just wasn't Ryan.

Shrugging her shoulders, Kelly reached below her desk and pulled out her leather Kate Spade handbag. She dug at the bottom of the purse as she walked toward the door, relieved to find her keys tucked somewhere between the latest issue of _Vogue_ and a new silk scarf she'd just picked up at Bloomingdales. It only took her a few minutes to make it across town to the small park she always went to when she really needed to think. Next to Forever 21, it was her favorite place on the planet. She grabbed her purse and headed to an empty picnic table. For a minute, she thought about grabbing a granola bar or something from the snack bar at the pool, but she wasn't hungry. She hadn't come to the park to eat. She had come to get something done.

Children's laughter filled her ears as she settled down on the wooden bench. She watched the kids splashing at the pool, the distinct scent of chlorine from the aqua water hanging in the air. Kelly smiled to herself, remembering a day like this many years ago when she had played at this very pool with her sister. She had been so young and innocent. Now, she was much more jaded than even a few years ago. Kelly still believed that love conquered all, but she knew that it also faced a lot of obstacles to get there. These words were at the forefront of her mind as she pulled a legal pad and pen from her purse. It was time that some things were said.

* * *

_Dear Ry,_

_I spoke with your parents last night. I have the check to pay for the lawyer and everything will be taken care of. I don't want you to worry about it. I know that this is going to work. Remember what you told me before I left you last time? Hold onto those words. They're the only thing we have right now to believe in. This might sound a little corny even for me, but I need you to believe it, too. Please do that for me._

_I was so tired last night after I got off work that I just sort of fell into my car and drove on autopilot. Before I really knew what was happening, I showed up outside your old apartment. I sat there in the parking lot for over a half-hour, just staring up at your old window. I couldn't believe that everything led me back there. Without even thinking about it, I still find my way back to you. That has to mean something, right? _

_I did what you asked me to do. Long before I came to see you again, I said goodbye to another part of my life. It wasn't as hard as it should have been. The only thing that seems to be hard for me anymore is losing you. No one understands that. How could they? But you do, don't you? And I get it now that you had to learn a lot to be with you. I should have been more patient, I should have understood. I'm sorry that I didn't. I guess it's time that I finally say that. You weren't the only one that was wrong. I was wrong, too._

_I thought that this letter would be more cohesive, but it's just a stream of consciousness really. I wanted it to have some grand meaning that would inspire you to hang in there, but it's not. It's just how I am feeling. It's just me…now. Whatever these words mean, I hope that they are enough to at least bring a small smile to your face and even the slightest flicker of light to your beautiful blue eyes. It's such a small thing, really, but that's always been what has held us together, isn't it? It's what has kept me coming back to you, and I pray to God that all of this – the letter, the visits, the appeal – will be what keep you coming back to me. _

_I love you,_

_Kel _

* * *

Ryan fingered the tattered yellow paper as he reread her carefully chosen words for the hundredth time. He had read and scrutinized every word of her letter since receiving it two days ago. The prison was unusually quiet for a Friday afternoon as Ryan folded the paper in half and tucked it back in the envelope. Leaning back on his bed, he wished that there was someone he could tell about her, but with his roommate gone to do highway work, he didn't have anyone. The one time he felt like talking, the only company he could find was a partially blind Vietnam veteran that volunteered in the prison's library and even Al had some excuse about being too busy. Ryan knew that he was forgettable and that people had been putting him off his entire life. He rarely took a chance that someone wouldn't for a change.

Looking over the schedule posted outside his cell, he tried to ignore the impending boringness that filled his afternoon. People were busy all around him, lucky enough to have a job to kill time until the blessing of lights out came that evening. Ryan hated his days off because they only seemed longer in here. However, with each hour that passed, he knew that he was closer to being with her again.

He had met with his new lawyer that morning to talk about the appeal. His parents were paying for the best legal counsel Kelly could find, but they didn't really care about the outcome. Her parents had been angry that she was wasting her time on trying to secure something as silly as his freedom. It made him sick that these two people were her parents. It explained a lot about why Kelly was the way she was. How could they not see how incredible she was? Her capacity to love was something that they were going to miss out on, and they certainly could use her example.

Now, as he looked at the careful way she had written his name on the envelope, Ryan regretted that she had to use all of her time off to tend to things for him. He knew how much she valued her time off so that she could spend time with her younger sisters. She'd started spending the afternoons with them back in college after their sister had died and she'd vowed to always be there for them. He'd never really taken the time to get to know the girls that meant so much to Kelly, but he would do that when he got home. She had made it a point to try with his family, and for her, he would make it a point to try with hers. There was a sizable trust fund sitting in an account in Massachusetts that his grandparents had left him, and he had always planned on using it to go Europe. He wanted to use that money to send Kelly and the girls to Minnesota for a shopping trip like they had always planned. Suddenly, his dreams didn't seem as important anymore.

"Ryan, you can have your hour of recreation time if you would like. It might do you some good to get outside," one of the kinder guards offered as he paused outside the cell. Ryan looked back at him and shook his head. "Okay, well, are you sure?"

Ryan nodded his head again before thanking him. "Yeah, I'm sure. Let the other guys out or something. Let them have some fun."

The guard shrugged and made his way down to the corridor to make the same offer to a few of the others. As the man rounded the corner, Ryan could hear him telling one of the prisoners that he wasn't sure what kept Ryan hanging in there. The older man, someone who had been in for almost a decade and was set to be released the next week, stopped suddenly. Ryan could hear his voice above the hum of the exhaust fan overhead. "The love of a good woman will keep you hanging in there," he explained. "She waited for me, and look how that turned out."

The man had hit it exactly on the head for Ryan. While he didn't feel like following the rules or doing what they asked of him, he knew that he had to do it. The appeal was coming up and people were always asking him questions. His lawyer had been the worst, questioning him for hours about everything from his job at Dunder Mifflin to his drug use. It would have been easier just to avoid it altogether, but Ryan had to make the best of the situation. They both knew why he had done it but neither of them had the courage to actually say it. Ryan didn't want to admit that truth about his motives, and his lawyer didn't have the heart to believe his client was guilty. It wasn't that he had done it. He just didn't want to know it.

Making his way over to the window, Ryan sat in the sill and stared out at the pale blue sky. He dug in his pocket for a small slip of paper and held it tightly in his hand. He gazed out over the yard for a few minutes before looking down at the paper. It was the photograph of her she had brought to him on her very first visit. It was the one he kept with him during every visit. Next to actually having her in front of him, it was his favorite thing to look at in the entire world. For a minute, he thought about getting a guard and going outside to join the others, but he still didn't feel like it. He hadn't come to the window sill to see what he was missing out on. He had come here to get something done.

The sound of the guys playing basketball echoed in the air as he leaned against the warm glass. He watched as a janitor sauntered pass his cell pushing a mop, the familiar aroma of antiseptic filling the room. Ryan smiled to himself, remembering seeing a very similar man pushing a mop at his father's office. He had been so young and innocent. Now, he was just as cynical as his father had been then. He still believed that the world was an incredibly messed up place, but he knew that there were rare people that made life beautiful. Those words were at the forefront of his mind as he pulled the letter from its envelope. It was time that he read her words again.


	9. Chapter 9

The morning of the trial came earlier than Kelly would have liked. She needed everything about today to go perfectly, and there just hadn't been enough hours in the days lately to get things finished. Her lunch hours had been devoted to meetings with Ryan's attorney, going every last detail of his case so that she understood the combination of stipulations and outcomes possible. Her breaks had been spent on the phone with his parents and friends, trying her best to convince even a few of them to show up the day of the appeal. Her evenings had been spent getting the apartment ready to share with him, worrying constantly that it would be a mistake for him to stay here even if it was only temporarily. For the past two weeks, much like for the past two years, every hour and minute and second of every day had been consumed with all things Ryan. Now, as she pulled her car into the parking lot outside the courthouse, she had to focus on herself.

There was a significant chance that things might not go their way today. Ryan's lawyer had done his best to prepare Kelly for a less than perfect verdict, but she refused to consider anything other than his release. In her darkest hours when she was tossing and turning endlessly in her bed, she would secretly think about what would happen if he was found guilty again. She didn't want to think about what would happen to Ryan if the sentence was upheld. He was having such a hard time anyhow, and to be this close to freedom and be able to taste it, it would be cruel for the fates to take it back. Still, she knew that she might likely be going home alone again, just as she had countless times on her Sunday visits to Ryan. If that happened, she would be back next Sunday and every Sunday after that until he did get to come home. She would keep coming to see him as long as he wanted to see her. Kelly would never leave Ryan and going through this with him only made it that much more apparent.

"Hey, Kelly, over here!" she heard Ryan's lawyer as she headed up the expansive concrete stairs in front of the court building. In another lifetime, Derrick would have been exactly the kind of guy Kelly would have went after with his perfectly manicured nails, designer Italian suit and clear celadon eyes. He was the ideal male specimen, and even in her love-stricken haze, she could appreciate his appeal. Besides his physical appearance, he was also a bankable lawyer with a dry wit, Ivy League degree and late model Mercedes convertible. He was worth every cent the Howards had spent on him. "How are you holding up?"

With a coy shrug, Kelly tried to find a word to define the emotions whirling through her body. "I'm anxious," she shrugged before reaching down to smooth an imaginary ruffle from her slate grey skirt. She had spent an hour picking out the perfect ensemble today, wanting to portray the right combination of responsibility and sophistication. Paired with a soft pink cashmere sweater and kitten heels, she felt like she had achieved her intended effect. She followed Derrick into the building as he gave her a rundown on the judge and opposing lawyer. He had explained that there would be a few witnesses, including Hunter and a few of the guys from corporate. When he finally stopped talking, they were waiting in the long security line that would allow them access to the courtroom and Kelly took advantage of the moment to pose a question. "So what can I expect here, Derrick? I want you to level with me. What are Ryan's chances?"

The lawyer regarded her for a moment before answering. "I wish I had the easy answer for you, Kelly," he admitted. The young man ran his fingers through his hair nervously, setting off another wave of anxiety in her. She tried not to notice the way he tapped his foot, shifting his weight from one side to the other. "The charges against Ryan are pretty serious, and it's been hard proving that a mistake was made or that he acted without pretense. The best we can hope for is a sympathetic judge who agrees that his sentence was too long. I am hoping that we can get him off with time served."

Kelly thanked him for his honestly as they filed through the metal detectors and flooded out into the main hallway. People milled around them, breaking off in huddles to gossip or go over cases or just hold a conversation in private. Scanning the busy corridor, she felt relief flood her immediately as her gaze fell upon a familiar pair of blue eyes. Pushing past scores of people, her slow pace soon turned into a steady gait as she reached him. It was the kind of running-into-her-lover's-arms reunion Kelly had always dreamt of but completely different. Even as he pulled her into his arms and lifted her off her feet, she couldn't believe that Ryan was actually letting her get away with it. Yet, he seemed just as swept up in the moment as she was.

After a minute of just holding her, Ryan eased her back to the ground without fully letting her go. His assigned guard stood behind him, lurking ominously, ready to remind Kelly that her personal Romeo was still a warden of the court. "I can't believe you're still here," he murmured softly as he pressed his forehead to hers. He managed to make her forget their surroundings in that moment. The setting of their romantic interlude suddenly didn't matter.

"You knew that I would be here," she retorted quietly, allowing him to reach for her hand and weave their fingers together. She knew that he should be using these last precious minutes going over details with his lawyer, but she was selfish. She didn't care. She wanted this time with Ryan. It could all evaporate just as easily as it had come to her. "I guess you got my letter."

She could feel him nod as his whiskers brushed against her cheek. "Hey, just so you know, that whole running into my arms, we're not going to make it a habit. I might have changed, but I haven't changed that much," he acknowledged. She laughed loudly then, relieved to see a small part of him was still there. "And besides, I'm not the only one who changed. The old Kelly would have thrown herself into my arms while squealing loudly. You managed to keep it down fairly well."

Elbowing him sharply, in the stomach, she turned away with a wide grin as his lawyer started in on the case. She tried to listen as they went over everything Derrick had just told her but she was too distracted by the subtle things about Ryan she loved – the fit of his suit coat, the way he never let go of her hand even while gesturing when he talked to his attorney, the defiant sparkle in his eyes. The old Ryan was still very much there just like the old Kelly was. They had matured, transformed and evolved without losing sight of who they were. Those were two people Kelly was proud to know and two people she knew could survive the day whatever the outcome.

With the security of knowing that, she prepared herself as Derrick announced that they needed to go into the courtroom. She started to follow Ryan in when he suddenly stopped. Whirling around, he looked into her eyes and squeezed her hand. "Whatever happens in there, I love you," he promised. She nodded knowingly before leaning forward to kiss him. He looked at her for a moment longer after they had pulled apart before bobbing his head once in a curt nod. "I'm finally ready out what happens."

* * *

The trial took much longer than Ryan would have liked. He wanted everything about today to go exactly like he wanted it, but things rarely happen according to plans. His entire days had revolved around his crimes for far too long. His lunch hours had been devoted to sitting with rows upon rows of inmates, people who didn't know his name or care where had come from. His recreation breaks had been spent alone staring at the clouds, trying his best to find the moment when everything went south. His evenings had been spent alone, wondering what sort of life awaited him outside these walls. For the past three months, much like for the past three years, every hour and minute and second of every day had been consumed with things he hated. Now, as he sat next to his lawyer and waited for the judge to return, he had to focus on what he loved.

There was a significant chance that things might not go his way today. Kelly had worked with his lawyer on the best defense money could by, but he couldn't let himself believe that he was going to be released. In his most optimistic moments when he was staring out at the stars from his foggy window, he would secretly think about what would happen if he was set free. He didn't want to think about what would happen to Kelly if the sentence was upheld. She was having such a hard time with this, and for him to be this close to finally being able to give her the life she wanted, it would be cruel for the fates to steal it form her. He knew that he could have to return to his lonely cell tonight, just as he had done countless times after her Sunday visits. Even if that happened, he knew that she would come back to him. He would do everything in his power to see of that. He would never let her leave again and going through this with her only made it that much more apparent.

"Everyone can be seated," he heard the judge announce as the robed man came down the small set of stairs leading from his chamber. In another lifetime, Ryan would have admired the man that sat poised before him on the bench with his illustrious power, noteworthy social standing and enviable paycheck. He was the ideal symbol of success, and even in his anxious state, he could appreciate his status. Besides his career successes, he was also a community leader with a legion of aids and interns, Harvard law degree and brand new Lexus sedan. He was worth every ounce of praise the city had bestowed on him. "Mr. Howard, please stand."

With a brave smile, Ryan tried to reassure Kelly despite the nerves turning over his stomach. "I am prepared to hand down your ruling," the judge declared before reaching down to straighten a pile of papers on the mahogany desk in front of him. Ryan reached down and fingered his silk tie, wanting to project a boyish nervousness that endeared him to the judge. He had chosen his dark suit and pale blue shirt to mimic a younger version of the judge. He hoped that it would remind him of how much pressure was on young guys just starting out. As he looked back at the judge, he ignored the witnesses sitting off to the side and focused solely on what was happening in front of him. The lawyer took advantage of his distraction to pose a question. "So, Mr. Howard, I have heard a lot today about expectations. I want you to be honest with me. What have you learned from this?"

Ryan mulled the question for a moment before answering. "I wish I had an easy answer for you, Your Honor," he professed. He folded his hands together nervously, doing anything he could to stay calm. He tried to block out the echoing silence in the room and how loud his own breath had suddenly become. "The charges against me are pretty serious, and I am going to spend the rest of my life proving that I have changed from the mistakes I've made. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I was desperate. My time here has not only changed me, but more importantly, it's changed my priorities. I don't need to get ahead anymore because I have so much more in my life. The best we can hope for is the love of a good woman who can see past your worst faults. I am hoping that I can start my life with her today."

The judge hid a smile as he thanked Ryan for his honesty. The bailiff stepped forward to read the ruling and then took his position to the left of the bench. The stenographer waited idly behind her machine, ready to type away upon the very first syllable. Scanning the packed courtroom, Ryan felt renewed faith flood him immediately as his gaze fell upon a pair of brown eyes. Pushing away all the doubt in his mind, he focused solely on her as the judge's words started to come. It was the kind of looking-at-your-soulmate gaze Ryan had always hated but completely different. Even as he listened to the judge's degree, he couldn't believe that he was paying more attention to Kelly's beautiful smile to pay attention to it. Yet, she seemed just as wrapped up in their connection as he was.

After a minute of just looking at her, Ryan eased his gaze back to the front of the room without fully letting the feeling of her looking at him go away. His lawyer stood behind him, whispering softly, ready to remind Ryan that his personal Juliet was still out of reach. "I can't believe what just happened," he muttered to himself as he covered his face with his hands. He managed to ignore the presence of his lawyer for a second. Everything else around him just didn't matter.

"You knew that this was a possibility," Derrick reminded him quietly, allowing his client to pace the length behind their table. Ryan knew that he should go to Kelly, but he was selfish. He couldn't. He wanted this time to think. Everything could change on a dime. "I guess you still didn't expect it to."

Ryan could feel himself nod at his attorney's suggestions. "You know, this whole thing, I tried not to have any expectations. I've changed a lot, but I haven't changed that much," he pointed out. Derrick laughed in response, agreeing that he was still the same socially awkward man Kelly had described numerous times. "And besides, I never thought it would matter what kind of person I was. The old Ryan would have lied his way through this. I managed to actually tell the truth."

A solid push from behind him caused Ryan to turn around. A bright smile lit his face as Kelly climbed over the wooden partition and into his embrace. Tears streamed down her round cheeks as she buried her head in his shirt. He tried to listen to what she was saying, but he was too distracted by the subtle things about Kelly he loved – the smell of hair as she clung to him, the way she never let go of his body even others crowded around them, the genuine emotion in her eyes. The only Kelly was still very much there just like the old Ryan was. They had grown up without losing the essence of who they were. Ryan loved that about them. They had gotten each other that far.

With the security of knowing that, he finally let himself go as he lifted Kelly into his arms once again. She tried to stop crying and put on a brave face for him as he gently wiped away her tears. He started to pull away from her to leave the courtroom as directed when he suddenly stopped. Whirling around, he looked into her eyes and grabbed her hand. "We did it, Kel," he exclaimed softly. She nodded happily before leaning forward to kiss him. He looked at her for a moment longer before kissing her again. "Let's go home."


	10. Chapter 10

She had come to visit him every Sunday morning. Like clockwork, each weekend over the past six months had revolved around the few precious hours she was allowed to be with him, keeping him at arm's length across a table in fears of turning over her heart and having it broken again. Try as she might, Kelly Kapoor could never fully get over Ryan Howard and not even a jail sentence could destroy her love for him. For a long time, she couldn't explain why she felt such a sense of duty to him, but now she knew. She was in love with him.

But today, her weekly visits to see Ryan in New York City would finally come to an end. No more would she have to traverse the lonely highway alone for two hours. She wouldn't have to come up with topics to fill the little time she had with him or wonder he was thinking each time he saw her. She knew all those things now. Her faith in him, in their relationship, had paid off. Ryan was going to be free. Today, Kelly would take him home to Scranton for the first time in nearly a year, and she vowed to herself to never look back.

The excitement of the big day had her springing from her bed long before sunrise. Kelly grinned to herself as she danced along to her favorite song in the shower, glad that this would be her last morning waking up alone for some time to come. She had plans to keep Ryan in bed for as long as he would allow. They had some serious making up to do. As the hot water streamed over her face, she entertained thoughts of what was to come. She enjoyed the pop music blaring loudly in her small bathroom know that this Sunday was different. She wouldn't listen to his sad music anymore. She would start the day with something she loved. Every day after today, she was determined to start the day with someone she loved. This marked the beginning of something new, something better.

After fifteen minutes, Kelly bounced out of the shower and danced around the bathroom as she dried off. She had an hour to get ready before she had to leave. Ryan was set to be released at noon, and she had every intention of getting there early. He was counting on her to be there, and she wouldn't let him down. Tossing the towel in the corner of her bedroom, she glanced at her smiling face in the mirror. She looked happier than usual, an amazing feat given her upbeat personality. Gone were the bags under her eyes and the worn smile she had worn like a badge of courage after the first trial. They had been replaced by sparkling eyes and a bright smile that had been Kelly's signature long before she'd ever heard of Ryan Howard. Consoled that she was finally back, she headed for the closet and started to rummage around in her clothes for something to wear.

She had been thinking about her outfit for weeks, long before Ryan had even been granted an appeal trial. Kelly had considered wearing one of her designer track suits like she had jokingly told the documentary crews long ago when Ryan was first arrested. However, she was no longer the bitter ex-girlfriend out to rub it in his face that she had moved on. As she pulled out a light pink satin dress, she held it over her curvy body in the mirror before shaking her head. It just didn't feel right. Nothing felt right. Glancing back at her bed, she spotted the black canvas bag she had packed the night before. Ryan had asked her to bring some of his old clothes so that he could wear something decent out of the prison. Thinking about what she had brought for him, she decided that it really didn't matter what she looked like. She didn't need to impress anyone. She already had what she wanted.

With a satisfied shrug, Kelly shoved the dress back into her closet and reached for a simple white cotton tee. It was unseasonably warm outside, and the last thing she wanted to do was worry about sweating on something that would only have to be dry cleaned later. Searching around in the bottom of the closet, she found her favorite pair of faded jeans, the ones she'd had since high school and only wore on Sunday evenings at home when she was watching a repeat of _America's Next Top Model_. This was definitely a side of her that Ryan had never seen. She liked that even after everything, there was still a tiny part of her that he didn't know. She wanted him to know her completely and looked forward to slowly revealing each little mystery to him.

Kelly pulled the shirt over her head and quickly completed her outfit with the jeans and a pair of white flip flops. She thought about changing out her purse but decided just to shove a few things in a straw tote and toss it in her backseat. The last thing she had on her mind was finding the right handbag that would match the casual look she had going on. Maybe it wasn't Holly Golightly, but it was Kelly Kapoor. They might have been similar characters once, but she had reached her happy ending a lot faster than the New York socialite had managed. Audrey Hepburn's character might have been a beautiful woman but she hadn't been very happy. Kelly couldn't believe she was thinking it, but she would rather be happy than beautiful any day of the week. Luckily for her, she was both.

She padded out of her bedroom and back toward the bathroom. Kelly looked at her makeup case wearily before tucking it back under the counter. A simple brush of clear lip gloss was the only thing she'd need today. After running her fingers through her hair a few times, she decided that this was going to have to do. She didn't give it another thought as she jogged back to her bedroom to grab Ryan's tote and out to her car. It didn't take her long before she was heading out of Scranton and onto that lonely highway one last time.

When she arrived at the prison, Kelly knew that there wouldn't be a big group waiting to help her bring him home. His parents wouldn't be at her apartment when they got back to Scranton. There wouldn't be a welcome home party with his friend at his favorite bar. Her parents wouldn't call with congratulations. Even people from the office had made little mention of his impending return, save for Michael. Kelly had managed to save Ryan from having to see his former boss by promising that he would come in for lunch once things settled down.

Two hours later, Kelly was pulling into the parking lot for the final time. She looked up at the ominous grey building and smiled winningly. They hadn't let this place defeat them. She had kicked prison's ass, she thought. Her triumphant stride as she came into the prison matched her celebratory air. The process of checking in even seemed better and actually felt shorter than it ever had. It didn't take long before she was being ushered into the waiting room where she had spent far too many hours.

Her knees bounced with anticipation as she waited for him. An empty tote bag sat at her feet with her straw purse next to it. There was another woman waiting, her excited actions very much mimicking Kelly's. The two women shared a pleasant and knowing smile before their eyes shifted back toward the large glass window that looked over the hallway. On cue, the two freed men came around the corner, and Kelly felt air rush from her lungs as her eyes connected with Ryan's. His mouth was pursed tightly as he followed a pair of guards. Kelly closed her eyes and waited for the sound of the door knob opening. When she heard it click, she breathed out a long exhale and waited for the moment to come to her.

* * *

She had come to visit him every Sunday morning. Each lonely week in prison was punctuated with one shining exclamation mark when she would spend a few hours sitting across the table from him doing her best to cheer him up. Sometimes he would entertain her by being open and other times he was just as distant as always. He would break her heart and glue it back together and break it all over again in a way that only he was capable of. Try as he might, Ryan Howard had never fully gotten over Kelly Kapoor and it had taken a jail sentence to confirm his love for her. For a long time, he couldn't explain why he felt such a strong need to push her away, but now he knew. He was in love with her.

But today, those weekly visits with Kelly would finally end. He wouldn't have to wait seven days before he could look at her from across a table and pretend to listen when she talked, all the while staring at her beautiful eyes or tasty lips. He would be able to hold her any time he wanted now. Because of her faith in him, he was being given a second chance. Today, he would go home with Kelly back to Scranton for the first time in a year, and he vowed to himself that he would never leave again.

The anxiety of the long awaited day had him waking up before everyone else in the cellblock. It was the first time Ryan had woken up with a smile for a very long time. He had listened to his favorite Jeff Buckley song while showering, thinking about how he couldn't wait to play it for her tonight when they were in bed. He intended to keep her there for as long as she would let him, making up for all their time apart by worshipping her like the goddess she was. The haunting melody was his only company in the dank bathroom, but it comforted him. He wouldn't listen to her cheesy pop music along anymore. She would be able to play it for him. Sure, it would annoy the hell out of him like it always had, but this time he would still love her despite it. He would love her for it.

Now, standing in that same bathroom alone, Ryan was nervous as he pulled the clothes she had brought from the prison-issued plastic bag to get dressed. He was happy to see the fluorescent jumpsuit go. The guards had given him five minutes to get himself together before he would go out to see her. He was counting on her to be waiting when he came out, and he wouldn't let her down. Tossing his old clothes to the side, Ryan paused to examine himself in the mirror. He could barely recognize the happy man staring back at him. His cheeks were no longer hollow from drug use or exhaustion. His eyes weren't dull and his mouth wasn't permanently frozen in a harsh frown. This Ryan was clean-shaven with stunning blue eyes and a toothy grin. He was actually happy, something completely foreign to him.

Pulling the clothes from the bag, Ryan laughed to himself when he'd seen what Kelly had picked out. A part of him had expected a designer suit or something equally fancy because she'd always loved him dressed up. However, he was relieved to find his favorite jeans, the ones that were soft from being washed so many times. She'd also packed his grey hoodie from college and a pair of lowtop Chuck Taylors he had bought once when they'd went to Philadelphia. Glancing back at the bag, he noticed the sparkle of metal as something caught the light. Leaning down, he found his favorite watch. She had brought everything he would have picked out himself. As he dressed quickly, he loved how everything was familiar and just the right fit. It felt right. Everything finally felt right.

Before long, the guard was banging on the door and Ryan was shoving everything into the trash can. He didn't want anything from this place. He'd given away everything he had bought to his cellmate and a few other guys who'd been nice to him. The only memory of his time here he wanted to keep with him were his Sunday visits with her. They were the only thing that made him feel sentimental. This was definitely a side he had never shown to her. He knew that she knew many facets of him, but he liked that there was still an element of surprise. He looked forward to learning those same things about her. He would never be able to know enough.

The guards went through a quick checklist, pulling Ryan through the motions of the customary exit strategy. He was paired with another man who had been in for a white collar crime. Protocol didn't seem to take too long and before he knew it, Ryan was being led down the hallway toward that familiar waiting room. He could see Kelly before she could see him, her head turned to the side as she looked at another woman. He knew then that he was nothing like Cool Hand Luke. He actually wanted to do the things the right way. Kelly had changed that about him or maybe he had changed that about himself. He might have been suave but he wasn't real. Ryan couldn't believe he was thinking it, but he would rather be real than cool any day of the week. Sadly for him, he just couldn't pull off both.

Ryan stood outside the door as the guards went over to the desk to turn in some paperwork. He stared at the wooden slab and thought about how the one person who cared about him most was waiting on the other side. His parents weren't there, huddled with her in anticipation. His friends weren't waiting at a bar back in Scranton to celebrate. Her family wouldn't be around to show their support or even argue. He didn't have anyone else, but that was fine. He had her.

Finally, the guards opened the door and Ryan locked his eyes with Kelly. The mere sight of her left him feeling breathless. He had expected sparkly makeup and impossibly high heels and a dress made out of some organic blend that he would be afraid to tear. Instead, she looked absolutely breathtaking in her earthy jeans and simple tee. They gazed at each other for a moment as she slowly stood up. She smiled slowly and Ryan returned it with a reassuring look. That was all she needed to come running across the room and into his arms. Ryan managed to capture her body and her mouth at the same time, holding her with everything he had in his body. The moment dragged on for a few minutes before Kelly wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and slumped back to the floor. Pressing her forehead to his, she smiled against his lips. "I'm here to take you home."

As they left the prison together, hands entwined, Ryan and Kelly were perfectly in sync for the first time in their lives. He didn't even say a word as she pressed her keys into his palm and headed around for the passenger seat. She didn't even say a word as he pulled into a drive-through juice shop to order her strawberry smoothie. And when they finally came back to Scranton, neither said a word as he helped her from the car and she wrapped her arm around his waist as they headed upstairs to her apartment. Like they both predicted, there were no people waiting for them. It was only them, and that was fine.

* * *

"Sorry it's not much," she apologized as they came into an empty apartment. He reassured her that it was perfect before sinking into her couch. Ryan patted the cushion next to her and reached for the remote to flip on the television. Kelly smiled to herself as she flopped down next to him and tucked herself under his arm just like she had hundreds of times when they watched television. Without even asking, Ryan turned the channel to _America's Next Top Model_ and leaned back to listen to Tyra compliment one of the contestants while really making it all about her. When a commercial came on, Kelly reached across his lap and changed the channel to ESPN so he could catch up on the sports scores. This was their pattern, this was familiar. They were right back where they had been only everything was different.

When they went to bed a few hours later, Ryan laid propped on a pile of pillows and watched Kelly undress. She was unabashed as she tossed her jeans to the floor and scampered across the carpet to slide into the sheets beside him. Ryan turned on his side and hovered over her body for a moment before leaning down to kiss her. "I love you, Kel. I could try to find a million ways to thank you for all of this – for everything – but when it comes down to it, that's all there really is. I just love you, Kel," he murmured before kissing her again.

"I don't want you to forget this moment," she said tenderly as she brushed hair from his eyes. He smiled at her gesture and rested his face in her palm. "I love you, too, Ry, but you know that. You've always known that. This is the moment that we are putting this behind us. This is our second chance to be happy. Let's forget everything that happened before this."

Ryan nodded happily as he looked into her eyes, shining in the pale moonlight flooding through the gauzy white curtains and across the bed. "Sounds like a plan to me," he agreed as he brushed his knuckle along her cheek. "There's only one thing I want to take way from this, and that's you."

The last year had changed Kelly and Ryan. That much was evident. They'd grown up. They couldn't always be what people expected to be. They had to change into who they were to become. Life had a funny way of doing that to a person – making them change without them really knowing it. She might still talk about the latest celebrity gossip and he might still pay more attention to his video game than her, but that didn't mean they wouldn't share those private moments were she would stop talking long enough to gaze into his soulful eyes and he wouldn't whisper all his dream and thoughts and feelings into her ear. And someday, when they were old and grey, they would tell their grandchildren how their love story had _truly_ begun…

She came to visit him every Sunday morning.

_Fin._

* * *

Writer's Note: Thanks to everyone who has read love letter to my favorite Office twosome. It all started as a random thought tumbling around in my head and ended up being something much more. There were times when this was terribly out of character, but I think it worked for Ryan and Kelly. I let them change into the people I thought they could be, and I appreciate you all coming along for the ride!


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